Be still and know...

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psalm 46:10

This verse is very familiar to most everyone.  Even those who are not Christian are familiar with the first part of this verse.  For most, this verse brings comfort and a reminder of the necessity to sit still, for at least a moment, and reflect on who God really is.  I have clung to this verse during the past few weeks, trying to focus more on who God is than what is going on in my life.  This has caused me to really study this verse in an attempt to do what it says, be still and know.  I was challenged and comforted by what I learned, so much so that I wanted to share it with you.  Before we can take a good look at verse 10, it is important to have a solid background of the first nine verses.  This lays the foundation of the meaning behind verse 10, and gives us great insight to the heart of David. 

David begins by reminding the people that God is their refuge and strength, their ever- present help in time of trouble (v.1). When life happens and we begin to worry and fret over what may happen, we must remember that God is there.  We tend to get so caught up in flesh details and our demands for answers that we forget to just step back and trust in Him. 

In verses 2-3, David refers to natural disasters that may occur in life, and reminds the people not to fear.  Though we may not be facing a natural disaster, each of us has our own personal “disasters” in life, our own difficulties that we must face, endure and eventually overcome.  When we are standing face to face with those “disasters”, we must remember not to fear, for fear is not of the Lord.  We are to stand in the Lord’s strength, not our own.

In verses 4-6, David speaks of Jerusalem, the holy city.  She is a sacred place, chosen of the Lord.  Therefore, God dwells in the heart of that city.  He is the river that flows through the city, giving it life.  Regardless of what happens to the city, He is in the heart of the city and He will not fall, He will be her help.  When wars are waged against her, when famine strikes, when surprise attacks hit the walls, God is there.  He is strong. He will not fall.  He is there to strengthen the city and give it victory.   It is so important to remember that as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit living in us.  He takes up residence in our hearts.  We have streams of living water inside us.  God is not going to leave or forsake us in times of trouble.  This is when He wants us to depend on Him more than ever before.  Life will not be easy, but we have God who will not allow us to face life on our own.

In verses 8-9, David reminds the people of the works of God’s mighty hands.  He has given them victory over their enemies, caused wars to cease, and has proven His strength to Jerusalem and other nations.  He is a mighty God, worthy of praise.  David wanted to remind the people to always be mindful of what God had accomplished for and through them in the past, and have confidence that God is able to even more in the days to come.  Often times when we are in difficult situations it is hard to see past our pain and questions.  However, it is so powerful to look back on what the Lord has done in the past, renew our faith in Him and trust Him as we take each step forward in our trials. 

Now, here we are…verse 10.  Be still and know…  This is such a loaded verse, especially in life of the 9 we just discussed.  Let’s take it piece by piece.

First, “be still”.  The Hebrew for “still” is raphah.  In this verse it is translated as “be still”.   However, this is only scratching the surface of what this word really means.   The definition of raphah includes: cease, fail, faint, feeble, forsake, idle, leave, let alone, stay, be still, weak, sink, relax, abate, abandon, refrain, and relax.  Quite a powerful word!  When David told the people to “be still”, he was telling them more than just to be quiet with your head bowed and sit still.  He was telling them to let go of everything that has distracted them from knowing who God really is.  Today we all live very busy lives.  We have to make the decision to still our hearts and our minds, to stop striving in life, to relax in His presence and refrain from allowing our minds to wonder to places it should not.  We must sit in the weakness of our flesh, faint and feeble; so that we can do the second part of this verse… know God.

When we “know” God, we are acknowledging Him for who He truly is.  We have left behind all of the distractions of this world and reminded ourselves of the mighty works our God accomplished in the past, not only for us, but others around us.  When we are “still”, we allow God the freedom to reveal Himself to us, deeply and intimately.   This sort of knowledge and intimate relationship with the Lord is not something that just happens in life, but something that we must be intentional about.  Satan knows that we are easily distracted in our flesh, and that these distractions keep us from knowing God the way God intends.  In other words, if we are not still, we will never truly know God.

Lastly, when we are still and know God, an ongoing daily process, we are able to see God exalted.  We begin to see Him work in ways that we could not see before.  We begin to acknowledge the little coincidences in life are acts of divine intervention of a God who loves us and wants the best for us.

I challenge each of you, as I challenge myself, to take time daily to “be still” before God, allowing Him to reveal Himself to you.  This will strengthen our faith on this journey, and make it easier to conquer the difficulties we will face along the way.

Here are a few quotes that struck me… enjoy!

“The sole consideration that God is God, sufficient to still all objections to his sovereignty.” Jonathan Edwards.

“Hold off your hands, ye enemies! Sit down and wait in patience, ye believers! Acknowledge that Jehovah is God, ye who feel the terrors of his wrath! Adore him, and him only, ye who partake in the protection of his grace." Charles Spurgeon

“We sing this Psalm to the praise of God, because God is with us, and powerfully and miraculously preserves and defends his church and his word, against all fanatical spirits, against the gates of hell, against the implacable hatred of the devil, and against all the assaults of the world, the flesh and sin.” Martin Luther

Be Careful What You Ask For

Apparently, I am a slow learner.  Thankfully, I have a patient teacher.  I recently shared with you how God has been dealing with me and my major control issues.  He has made me aware of the subtle ways I attempt to control every aspect of my life, from my family and friends, to work and home.  My prayer has been that God would really show me how to let go of my control and turn it over to Him completely.  There are small tests each and every day.  My score is much higher on some than others.  Yesterday, I did not do so well initially.  It took a bit for me to realize that I was failing miserably in a simple test.

We have been making plans for several weeks now for our youngest daughter to have surgery the Friday before Spring Break.  The timing is perfect because my husband and I are both on vacation Spring Break and this would give us the time to spend with her during recovery.  We have rearranged our schedules to accommodate the surgeons and the post-op appointments.  I made one of my famous “check-lists” to make sure I had everything taken care of in the house, at work and with classes at church so I had no lose ends hanging around simply to annoy me.  After all of my planning, I waited patiently for a call from the surgeon’s office to confirm the time for the surgery.

Finally, the call came.  The nurse and I chatted for a few minutes about the adventure my daughter and I had at Kosair Friday.  What began as a simple CT scan and out by lunch became a subsequent and lengthy MRI that kept up is a recovery room until 3:00 in the afternoon.  After the pleasantries the nurse advised that we had to postpone the surgery because the neurologist that was now assisting with the surgery could not make it Friday.  For some reason I was not able to make it past “postponed”.  This was completely unacceptable. 

I immediately begin to tear up.  I am sure part of my emotional breakdown was out of anger, part from exhaustion.  I e-mailed my two prayer warriors and dear friends, letting them know what was going on.  As I typed the second e-mail God’s seemed to take control of my hands and type out how this was a test of my control issues.  It took a second before it sunk in, but mad did it ever!

Questions began flooding my mind.  The Holy Spirit was making me refocus.  Who in the world do I think I am getting upset that a surgeon cannot make his schedule fit mine?  Why on earth should they accommodate me?  There are several parents with children much worse off than my daughter and all I could think about was the fact that they could not sacrifice to get my daughter’s surgery scheduled.  Who am I to put God on a time table?  He is not required to do anything on my time frame.  After all, he is the creator and author of time. 

I took a brief walk around the block, enjoying the sunshine and asking God to help me get through this.  I know in my heart that He is in control.  My daughter is His child, on lease to me.  Why would He not have her best interest at heart?  He has promised He would never leave nor forsake her, or me.  I made my way back up to my office and sat down, feeling lighter but still with a nagging feeling in my stomach.

I continued e-mailing my prayer warriors who both reminded me that this is God teaching me how to let Him take control.  This is a test that He is giving me.  I have to be willing to allow Him to move freely in this situation and not second guess, worry or get angry because things are not working out the way I want them to.   So much easier said that done!

So, now I wait.  I have to wait for the surgeon and neurosurgeon to decide what procedure will be most beneficial during surgery, plan it out, then call and give me their decision and a new surgery date.  As I sit here in God’s waiting room, He keeps reminding me that this is still part of my test.  Do I trust Him?  Will I continue to trust Him while I am waiting?  Am I really willing to stop worrying about how our  lives will be turned upside down because her surgery is not when I want it to be and allow God to set it when He wants it.  My heart says yes, but my flesh is not agreeing very well.

If you find yourself in God’s waiting room, don’t feel like you are alone!  I am right there with you!  Even more important than that, God is in the room with us.  He is there to comfort us and give us the peace that passes all understanding.  We just have to keep our eyes on Him and trust that He is a promise keeper and faithful to His word.

I am going return to the waiting room now.   So grateful that I am not alone!

Say what?

And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind…  1 Kings 19:11

I do not believe in coincidence.  I do, however, believe in “divine intervention.”   I believe that the Lord orchestrates even the smallest details in life.   Recently, He has made this very clear to me.  I am going through Kelly Minter’s “No Other Gods” bible study with some very sweet ladies.  Each of us are so completely different.  Some are tall, others vertically challenged.  Some are thin, others blessed with extra padding.  Some are married, others single.  Some have children, others do not.  Some are close to the Lord, others struggling with their faith.  Despite our differences, we have a few things in common.  First, we are all women, each of us wound up with emotions, expectations, hopes, dreams, fears, and love.  Second, we are all searching for answers.  Why am I going through this storm?  Why does the Lord feel so far away?  What am I supposed to do with my life?  How can I fix this relationship?  Why do I feel this way about myself?  The list goes on and on. 

Listening to all of these questions has brought another question to my mind.  How do we discern the Lord’s voice?  How do we determine when the Lord is actually speaking to us, or when we are so bent on a certain answer that we convince ourselves that we are hearing the Lord’s voice?  This is a question that rings sweet in Satan’s ear as well.  When we are uncertain we are hearing the Lord’s voice, Satan has an open door to step in and begin speaking lies to our hearts.  This is a dangerous place to be, yet a common place for all of God’s children.

So, how do we know if we are really hearing God’s voice?  I believe the answer is more simple than we want to admit.  How do you recognize your child’s cry when they are in a group of other children?  How do you recognize your spouse’s voice saying your name from across a crowded room?  You recognize them because you know them.  You have spent countless hours tending to their cries and hearing their voices.  You are in their presence enough to know them intimately, and, as a result, are in tune to them at all times.

The same must be said of the Lord.  We will know His voice and recognize it immediately when He calls our name, IF we have spent time in his presence, listening to Him on a daily basis.  This is more than just reading over a verse a day, or reading a simple uplifting devotion.  It is getting into His Word and learning who He is.  It is spending time seeking His face and His heart, not just His hand.  Though the concept is common sense, sometimes the daily application is more difficult.  Simply put, life happens.  We start the day intending to spend time in the Word, and before we know it, the day gets away from us and we climb in bed falling asleep in the middle of a prayer promising God we will spend time with Him tomorrow.  I cannot begin to tell you how many years I lived my life allowing it to control me, rather than me allowing God to control it.  But, that is a topic for another day.

I have learned over the years that I will never be able to fully hear and understand the Lord when He speaks to me if I am not spending time seeking Him.  The less time I spend in the Word, the less familiar I am with His voice.  This gives Satan that open door to step in and begin throwing lies at me.  Just like the wind, earthquake and fire that Elijah endured before he heard God whisper to him, Satan’s lies are loud and unavoidable, even easy to believe.  He throws them at us relentlessly hoping that we will not sit still and listen for God’s gentle whisper.  He knows that as soon as we hear God whisper our name, God is going to draw us back in and Satan will lose his footing in our lives.  Out of desperation, Satan will do anything and everything to keep us from hearing God’s voice.  God will continue to whisper to us, we just have to chose to ignore the wind, earthquake and fire so we can hear what He has to say.

So, where does this leave us?    Back at square one.  We will only know the Lord’s voice if we spend time listening to it daily.  Yes, this is a Sunday School answer, but I have learned that often times the simple answers are the most powerful. 

If you are still waiting on an answer to a question, or simply need to hear a word from the Lord, make a daily appointment to spend time with Him and in His Word.  You may not hear his voice immediately.  You may not even hear His voice after weeks or months.  However, continue spending time with Him.  You didn’t have an intimate relationship with your spouse or child over night. It takes time and self discipline.  However, you are guaranteed a great reward when you seek Him with all of your heart… you WILL find Him. 

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity.”  Jeremiah 29:13-14

Say what?

And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind…  1 Kings 19:11

I do not believe in coincidence.  I do, however, believe in “divine intervention.”   I believe that the Lord orchestrates even the smallest details in life.   Recently, He has made this very clear to me.  I am going through Kelly Minter’s “No Other Gods” bible study with some very sweet ladies.  Each of us are so completely different.  Some are tall, others vertically challenged.  Some are thin, others blessed with extra padding.  Some are married, others single.  Some have children, others do not.  Some are close to the Lord, others struggling with their faith.  Despite our differences, we have a few things in common.  First, we are all women, each of us wound up with emotions, expectations, hopes, dreams, fears, and love.  Second, we are all searching for answers.  Why am I going through this storm?  Why does the Lord feel so far away?  What am I supposed to do with my life?  How can I fix this relationship?  Why do I feel this way about myself?  The list goes on and on. 

Listening to all of these questions has brought another question to my mind.  How do we discern the Lord’s voice?  How do we determine when the Lord is actually speaking to us, or when we are so bent on a certain answer that we convince ourselves that we are hearing the Lord’s voice?  This is a question that rings sweet in Satan’s ear as well.  When we are uncertain we are hearing the Lord’s voice, Satan has an open door to step in and begin speaking lies to our hearts.  This is a dangerous place to be, yet a common place for all of God’s children.

So, how do we know if we are really hearing God’s voice?  I believe the answer is more simple than we want to admit.  How do you recognize your child’s cry when they are in a group of other children?  How do you recognize your spouse’s voice saying your name from across a crowded room?  You recognize them because you know them.  You have spent countless hours tending to their cries and hearing their voices.  You are in their presence enough to know them intimately, and, as a result, are in tune to them at all times.

The same must be said of the Lord.  We will know His voice and recognize it immediately when He calls our name, IF we have spent time in his presence, listening to Him on a daily basis.  This is more than just reading over a verse a day, or reading a simple uplifting devotion.  It is getting into His Word and learning who He is.  It is spending time seeking His face and His heart, not just His hand.  Though the concept is common sense, sometimes the daily application is more difficult.  Simply put, life happens.  We start the day intending to spend time in the Word, and before we know it, the day gets away from us and we climb in bed falling asleep in the middle of a prayer promising God we will spend time with Him tomorrow.  I cannot begin to tell you how many years I lived my life allowing it to control me, rather than me allowing God to control it.  But, that is a topic for another day.

I have learned over the years that I will never be able to fully hear and understand the Lord when He speaks to me if I am not spending time seeking Him.  The less time I spend in the Word, the less familiar I am with His voice.  This gives Satan that open door to step in and begin throwing lies at me.  Just like the wind, earthquake and fire that Elijah endured before he heard God whisper to him, Satan’s lies are loud and unavoidable, even easy to believe.  He throws them at us relentlessly hoping that we will not sit still and listen for God’s gentle whisper.  He knows that as soon as we hear God whisper our name, God is going to draw us back in and Satan will lose his footing in our lives.  Out of desperation, Satan will do anything and everything to keep us from hearing God’s voice.  God will continue to whisper to us, we just have to chose to ignore the wind, earthquake and fire so we can hear what He has to say.

So, where does this leave us?    Back at square one.  We will only know the Lord’s voice if we spend time listening to it daily.  Yes, this is a Sunday School answer, but I have learned that often times the simple answers are the most powerful. 

If you are still waiting on an answer to a question, or simply need to hear a word from the Lord, make a daily appointment to spend time with Him and in His Word.  You may not hear his voice immediately.  You may not even hear His voice after weeks or months.  However, continue spending time with Him.  You didn’t have an intimate relationship with your spouse or child over night. It takes time and self discipline.  However, you are guaranteed a great reward when you seek Him with all of your heart… you WILL find Him. 

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity.”  Jeremiah 29:13-14

Confidence

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.  Hebrews 10:35-36

As I sit and type these posts, this verse really speaks to my heart.  I have never been filled with even a small amount of self-confidence.  I remember struggling with this as far back as elementary school.  It was not because my parents told me I was not good enough.  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  I was encouraged to try everything, give it my best and never give up.  I never doubted their love for me, or that I was good enough for them.  I have been truly blessed with amazing, loving parents.  So, let me clarify that my lack of self-confidence is not because of my childhood. 

Looking back, I can see that my lack of self-confidence began early in life.  For some reason I became a people pleaser.  I wanted to make everyone happy, even if making them happy removed the joy from my  life.  I was more concerned about having people like me and approve of the things I did in life.  As I got older this desire to please everyone turned in to my desire to fix their problems.  I had friends dealing with issues at  home, with parents, with friends, with boyfriends and I felt that I needed to help them fix their problems.  My focus was always on them.  I remember crying myself to sleep at night for them.  All the while I was suffering silently, so careful to walk on eggshells and not upset the very delicate balance I had obtained in my life.  The more engrossed I became with their issues, the more I could ignore mine.  Then, one day, I had a heartbreaking experience with a guy in middle school.  My entire world came crashing down around me.  He was the one I couldn’t “fix”.  He was the one than could care less about hearing what I had to say or changing his life.  My already paper thin self-confidence completely vanished.  I had nothing. 

A year or so later I became best friends with a girl that I thought was too good to even waste her time looking in my direction.  She was the first person who really seemed to like me for me and not use me to fix her problems.  She was a pastor’s daughter and had a heart for the Lord like I had never seen before.  She was loving and patient with me.  She kept inviting me to church and to spend time with her family.  They adopted me as their own.  Over time the Lord revealed himself to me through this amazing family, and the new friends I was making at church.  Though I was still struggling with my self-confidence, I was learning how important it was to take a good look at myself, learn to like who I was, change what I did not like and accept what I could not change.  This is heavy stuff for a 13 year old girl, let alone a 35 year old woman!

I still struggle with self-confidence.  However, over the past 22 years of walking with the Lord, I am still learning that my confidence cannot be in my self.  My confidence must be in the Lord alone.  I was reminded in a recent sermon that I am not my own.  I was bought with a high price, and I do not belong to myself.  I belong to the Lord.  Therefore my confidence must be placed in the one who died for me, not in my flesh.  There is nothing I can do in my flesh that will grant me the priviledge of eternity in heaven.  I will never be good enough, kind enough, giving enough.  It is only through the blood shed at Calvary and the life of my Savior given for me that I have the confidence of my eternal home in glory.  

Now, I am not saying that I am a worthless pile of junk.  I know that He has given me gifts and talents to use for His glory.  I know that there are things that I do that no one else can do, or at least not in the same way.  I know that I am able to do some pretty amazing things.  However, I must remember that even those gifts and talents are not from me.  They are from the Lord.  It is my job to work on them, enhance them, nurture them, and even share them.  But the moment I begin to pat myself on the back and boost my self-confidence, my God-confidence fades and I become a miserable person. 

I must never lose my confidence in the one who died for me, the one who has blessed me so richly, the one who loves me just as I am.  My prayer is that of Matthew, that I will let my light shine before all men so that when they see my good deeds they will glorify my Father in heaven, and only look to me as one of His many vessels.

 My confidence is in my Lord, not in me.

Surrender and Trust

As a Christian, can I truly surrender my life to God without trusting Him?  Can I trust Him and yet not fully surrender to Him?  Must surrender and trust co-exist before both are genuine?  And, where does obedience fit with a life of surrender and trust?

I have been asking the Lord for years to show me what true surrender looks like.  I want my life to become that picture for others to see, especially my daughters.  I see other women that I believe have truly surrendered their lives and I am amazed.  A young friend of mine has answered the call to be a missionary in Africa.  She has surrendered her life to the Lord, going back to Tanzania when He sends her.  What is truly amazing, her heart for the people, especially young boys, in Africa grows daily.  I don’t get to talk to my friend about this as she lives out of state, but in her Facebook posts I can see her heart.  As she has surrendered her life to the Lord, she has influenced others to do the same.  When I think of surrender, I think of her.  She has laid her life before the Lord, willing to go exactly where He leads.  Her life is not her own, her life belongs to the Lord.  And as a result, the Lord is blessing her immensely. 

When I think of trust, of someone who truly trusts the Lord with all her heart, I think of another friend.  She is older than I am, and has taken me under her wing.  She has seen many hardships in her life, yet many more blessings.  Over the years God has proven Himself faithful to her, so she trusts Him.  This is a deep, intimate, secure trust.  When I hear her testimony, I wonder how she could not trust Him.  However, her trust in the Lord started during one of the hardest battles in her life.  In the midst of a terrible storm, when she could not see any positive outcome in her future, she decided to trust the Lord.  She decided to trust that He would carry her through the storm, that He would mend broken relationships and restore what was taken from her.  Not only did God heal and restore, He intensified the love in this broken relationship.  I truly believe that God has blessed her simply because she decided to trust in Him.  Hearing her testimony, I know this step of trust was not easy.  She still could not see the future, but she chose to take God at His word, to trust Him.  I don’t think her entire heart was on board at first, but as she learned to trust a little more each day, God won her heart completely and developed an unwavering trust deep inside.

Surrender and trust.  They are two completely different ideas, yet I believe feed off of each other.  When I surrender my life, I am freely giving every part of it to the Lord.  I am not holding back anything.  I am laying my life at my Savior’s feet and allowing Him to do what He wants in and through me.  I am literally saying to Him “I will go where you lead me.”  This is a huge commitment.  I am not going to surrender anything I am or have to someone I don’t trust. 

Trust is believing the Lord wholly and completely.  It is acknowledging who He is and taking his word as true.  Trust is knowing that the Lord has your best interest at heart and allowing Him to lead your life.   When I think of my older friend and the depth of her trust, I see the joy it brings her.  Even in the midst of a recent, sudden storm, she trust the Lord and it reflected in her physically.  She was shaken and tired, yet she was always speaking of the goodness of the Lord and His mercy to carry her through.  She was able to smile in the midst of the storm because she trusted in the Lord and His sovereignty over this storm.

I believe that surrender calls for trust, and trust calls for a surrendered life.  Yet I see in my life that the two do not always go hand in hand.  Through the years of prayer about what a surrendered life looks like, I have been given many pictures and examples.  It is sad to say that many of the pictures in my own life reveal a lack of surrender.  I guess the best way to see what surrender looks like is to see what it does not look like.  So now, I have thrown my hands in the air and laid my life before the Lord.  I believe that, as best I can, I have surrendered my life to the Lord.  I will go where He leads, I will do what He has called me to do.  Trust, on the other hand, is something I thought I had in my life yet more recently am seeing that it is not really there.  I confess with my mouth that I trust the Lord, yet my actions don’t convey that.  In my heart I want to go where he leads me, yet when it comes to taking that first step on the long journey, I hesitate.  I begin to go back to square one with the Lord and ask Him the same questions I have asked a million times.  I am not sure why the first answer did not suffice.  I guess I just needed reassurance.  Wait, if I need reassurance then I don’t really believe the first answer He gave me.   I am not trusting the Lord.  (Let me say this… it is wise to seek the Lord and be confident of what He is telling you before you begin what He has asked of you.  However, when you have your answer from the Lord, don’t go back and second guess Him.  This is a lack of trust.)

My missionary friend trusts the Lord and has surrendered her life to serving in Africa.  My older friend has surrendered her life to the Lord because she trusts Him and his promises.  I would not hesitate for a moment to say that because of their trust and surrender, both ladies are obedient to the Lord.  When He calls, they do not give lip service, saying they are going to follow His lead.  No, these ladies actually do what they say they are going to do.  They follow.  They take that first step, then the next, until they are walking closely with the Lord, obedient to His will.  It may be going to Africa.  It may be sharing the gospel with a next door neighbor.  Whatever He asks, they do.  Granted, they may hesitate.  They may question God about his calling.  They may have a moment of fear and timidity, but in the end, they are obedient. 

As I am dealing with my trust, surrender and obedience, I am reminded that God is not finished with me.  I know that He has began a good work in me and will follow it through to completion.  Part of this work is increasing my trust, revealing to me the beauty of a surrendered life, and giving me freedom that only comes out of obedience to Him.  I pray that as the Lord calls you to trust, surrender and obey that you will do just that.  It is not easy when we have been betrayed or hurt by others, but we must remember that God is good and He will never betray or abandon us.  He is a promise keeper and the only one who can be trusted.

Under Seige

I have spent years in a deep valley, under siege.  I was confused about everything in life and began questioning the very foundations of who I am and why I am even here on this earth.  While in this valley, I allowed Satan to creep in and feed me lies that I accepted as truth.  I was deceived, and, as a result, completely miserable.  The really sad thing though, is that I was “ok” with it.  Why?  Because I was more afraid of facing the truth that I knew I would face as I made my journey up the side of the mountain on my way out of the valley than I was living a lie.  As I questioned why God had chosen me, why He had called me out as His own, I began to listen and believe Satan as he told me that I am unworthy and that God’s patience for me had come to an end.  It seemed this black hole was growing bigger by the moment and I was being overtaken.  Then, one day as I attended my daily pity party, something snapped inside of me.  It was is if the little wimpy kid inside of me had suddenly had enough and fought back.  Envision the scene in “A Christmas Story” when Ralph had finally been pushed too far by Scott Farcus and snapped, attacking him and beating him up in the middle of a crowd of students.  Yes, I was tired of Satan pushing me around and controlling my life, so I fought back.

I had lived too may years under siege, right where Satan wanted me.  As long as I was buying in to the lies he was feeding me, I was not effective for the Lord.  He had me so busy and frazzled, doubting the things that had always given me security.  I am sure he was dancing at each of my pity parties, excited to see a child of God held in bondage to his lies.  I am also quite certain that his joy turned to anger as the Lord’s small still voice rang loud and clear in my ears, reminding me of the truth and debunking the lies that I had believed for so long.

Looking back over this experience has made me question why this happened to me.  I was close to the Lord, deeply in love with my Savior, in His Word daily, and walking intimately with Him.  How in the world did I go from this to being stuck so deep in the valley of depression and a slave to the lies I had previously refuted, but slowly began to believe?  It was as if I woke up one morning, a stranger in my own body, wondering how in the world I had gotten to this miserable place in life.  Only now can I see that this was a long journey and not a weekend trip. 

Satan, the father of lies, is so crafty and so deceitful that we must be on our guard at all times.  If not, we will fall just like I did.  Some falls will hurt much more than others, but regardless the distance of the drop, the pain is intense when we hit the bottom.  The beauty in this ugliness is that God is waiting for us.  Not like a judgmental father pointing his finger in our face tisking us for believing the lies.  Not even with a look of disappointment, though you know his heart is broken.  No, God is there with his arms wide open, ready to hold us and whisper the truth to our hearts.  He is ready to bring the healing and restoration that our souls so desperately need.  The problem comes when we decide not to run into His arms, but rather turn our backs on Him and choose to stand in the middle of our mess, our depression, our bondage.

The fear that makes us turn our backs to our Father’s outstretched arms is rooted in nothing but lies from the one that got us in that mess to begin with.  The only power Satan has over us is the power we give him.  If you are in the middle of a valley, fearful of facing the Lord because He may judge you or be disappointed, STOP LISTENING TO SATAN’S LIES!  He doesn’t want you to leave the valley, he wants to keep you right where you are, miserable.  Why?  Because he knows what God has in store for you.  He knows that the second you run back in the arms of your heavenly Father that he will be defeated, once again.  So, why continue to listen to him?  Why continue living in misery when you have the Father standing, waiting, with arms wide open.  Run to him, and don’t look back.