Yes!!!

Yes, I am well aware it has been a very long time since I sat down and set my thoughts to written word.  Let’s just go ahead and label 2013 as a year of challenges, reality checks, bumps, bruises and new beginnings.  A variety of good and not-so-good began or developed in 2013.  While I look back grateful for what I have learned, the moments I spend looking back will be much shorter than the moments I spend living intentionally in the moment in 2014.  That being said…

I have spent a considerable amount of time complacent.  This complacency gradually grew into a root of bitterness.  I began to live with a sense of entitlement, truly believing that it was time for me.  I had given, served, and worked hard after many sleepless nights.  I had changed to make others happy and allowed myself back in the trap of people pleasing.  Living this way left me tired, worn, frazzled, grouchy, and desperately clinging to the blanket I often tried to hide under.  I was depressed, stressed and unhappy with what I had allowed to become priority in my life.  I was so far gone that I had no idea how to even begin getting my life back where it was supposed to be. 

Taking advantage of one of my brief moments looking back... the ugliness was beautiful!  God allowed each bump, bruise and fractured bone happen to show me who He really is.  The moments I felt alone, God whispered how jealous He is for me. The moments I felt I could no longer go on, God was with me through a hug, a card or kind words.  The moments I allowed jealousy to take over, God revealed His cure for jealousy by encouraging me through the beautiful family he blessed me with.

Now, intentionally taking advantage of the present moment… the true beauty of it all is the sovereign, unchanging, unfailing God that loves me.  He loves me enough to allow me to go through the difficult times in order to see with my own eyes that I have to get over myself and move on.  I have to stop taking myself so seriously, trying to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to do with every moment of every day, and stop comparing myself to everyone around me.  God made me who I am, quirks and all, and placed me in my generation for a reason.  He has allowed me the incredibly opportunity to be the wife of an amazing man and the mother of two wild, crazy, spunky and sassy girls.  He has allowed me to be a part of a church filled with other people that struggle the same as me. 

So now I have to make a decision.  Do I follow my restless heart, determined to run hard after God and live my life fulfilling His purpose for His glory?  Or do I go back to the ugliness I settled in all too comfortably last year and continue to be miserable?  Do I find peace and fulfillment in the life God has given me?  Or do I continue to compare myself to others, never measuring up?

Complacency or contentment?

Misery or Mission?

Pity or Purpose?

I know what my heart is telling me…  You?