Happy Birthday!

I absolutely love celebrating birthdays.  More specifically, I love celebrating my daughters’ birthdays.  Each birthday is a reminder of God’s goodness to my husband and I.  This week we celebrated our youngest daughter’s seventh birthday.  It seems like yesterday I was in the doctor’s office and learned the very surprising news that we were expecting our second child.  It had taken us eight long years before we were able to celebrate the birth of our oldest daughter and were not even ready to begin thinking of expanding our family. 

However, God had something else in mind. 

On January 23, 2007, God began a chapter in my life that He had already written for me. 

I have watched Madeline the past few days and soaked up every little squeal, smile, hug, and thank you.  She is so full of life, wonder and energy.  She is my spunky, sassy, compassionate, and inquisitive girl.  She has a constant sparkle in her eye and desire to make people around her smile.  As I sit her and write about her, she is next to me asking if she can hit the period key at the end of each sentence.  She loves to be a part of everything I do. 

The more I watch my baby, the more I fall in love with who she is.  And in the process, God reminds me that he looks at me the same way, as His precious and loved daughter. 

He also reminds me that when I was young in my faith I was full of life and wonder and energy.  I studied the Word, I told everyone that would listen how amazing God was and how desperately they needed Jesus.  I served with energy and passion, excited to see God working in my life and the lives of others.  I was spunky, sassy, compassionate and inquisitive.  I would read scriptures for hours, studying to find the answers to questions that would not let me sleep.  I had a sparkle in my eye and desired to make people around me smile.  And I loved being a part of what God was doing.  I so desperately wanted God to use me that I made myself available to Him, and moved obediently when he called.

Then life happened.  

And somewhere along the way I lost the wonder, energy and spunk.

They were replaced with frustration, exhaustion and complacency.

I have been blessed with such an amazing life.  I have the most incredible family a girl could ask for.  I have friends that are supportive and a church that provides opportunities for me to serve and fulfill the calling God has placed in my life.  I have a successful career in a well-known and successful firm. 

But in the midst of life itself I became so caught up in the minutia that I lost focus.

I became internally focused, rather than eternally focused.

I failed to keep the main thing, the main thing.

And now as I watch Madeline so full of life and willing to serve and ask the hard questions, I wonder…

What does God see when He looks at me now?

He sees His daughter.  The one he knit together in the secret place.  The one He hemmed in before and behind.  The one he created so intimately and perfectly.  The one He sat and wrote out a specific story for, one full of His blessings and abundance.  The one He longs to use for His glory.

So tonight I will let this sink deep in my heart and move me.  I will take the time to let my God love on me and fill me to overflowing.  I will cherish these moments he uses my daughters to remind me how precious I am to Him. 

And I will remind my sweet babies how precious they are to Him as well.

Yes!!!

Yes, I am well aware it has been a very long time since I sat down and set my thoughts to written word.  Let’s just go ahead and label 2013 as a year of challenges, reality checks, bumps, bruises and new beginnings.  A variety of good and not-so-good began or developed in 2013.  While I look back grateful for what I have learned, the moments I spend looking back will be much shorter than the moments I spend living intentionally in the moment in 2014.  That being said…

I have spent a considerable amount of time complacent.  This complacency gradually grew into a root of bitterness.  I began to live with a sense of entitlement, truly believing that it was time for me.  I had given, served, and worked hard after many sleepless nights.  I had changed to make others happy and allowed myself back in the trap of people pleasing.  Living this way left me tired, worn, frazzled, grouchy, and desperately clinging to the blanket I often tried to hide under.  I was depressed, stressed and unhappy with what I had allowed to become priority in my life.  I was so far gone that I had no idea how to even begin getting my life back where it was supposed to be. 

Taking advantage of one of my brief moments looking back... the ugliness was beautiful!  God allowed each bump, bruise and fractured bone happen to show me who He really is.  The moments I felt alone, God whispered how jealous He is for me. The moments I felt I could no longer go on, God was with me through a hug, a card or kind words.  The moments I allowed jealousy to take over, God revealed His cure for jealousy by encouraging me through the beautiful family he blessed me with.

Now, intentionally taking advantage of the present moment… the true beauty of it all is the sovereign, unchanging, unfailing God that loves me.  He loves me enough to allow me to go through the difficult times in order to see with my own eyes that I have to get over myself and move on.  I have to stop taking myself so seriously, trying to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to do with every moment of every day, and stop comparing myself to everyone around me.  God made me who I am, quirks and all, and placed me in my generation for a reason.  He has allowed me the incredibly opportunity to be the wife of an amazing man and the mother of two wild, crazy, spunky and sassy girls.  He has allowed me to be a part of a church filled with other people that struggle the same as me. 

So now I have to make a decision.  Do I follow my restless heart, determined to run hard after God and live my life fulfilling His purpose for His glory?  Or do I go back to the ugliness I settled in all too comfortably last year and continue to be miserable?  Do I find peace and fulfillment in the life God has given me?  Or do I continue to compare myself to others, never measuring up?

Complacency or contentment?

Misery or Mission?

Pity or Purpose?

I know what my heart is telling me…  You?

A few days ago I sat down and read through the story of Jesus walking on the water (Matthew 14:22-33) with my oldest daughter.  After we read the story we focused on Peter, discussing the faith it took for him to step out on the water, how his faith was tested by the wind and the storm, the results when we lose faith, and how Jesus responds to us when we cry out to Him.  The discussion was not in depth, but a great reminder of the importance of keeping our focus on Jesus.  The Lord keeps calling this story back to mind, and every time He does he points out something different for me to focus on.  Those thoughts are what I want to share with you today.

As the disciples are in the storm they see Jesus walking on the water towards their boat.  They initially think He is a ghost, until they witness an amazing scene between Peter and Jesus.  Peter decides to test Jesus, saying “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”  Without hesitation Jesus calls Peter out.  In response, Peter gets out of the boat. 

           

* Often times we ask Jesus to call us to serve where He wants us to serve.  The response from Jesus may be immediate because we are ready to serve where He wants us to, or it may be delayed because He is still preparing us. Either way, our response needs to be like Peter.  We need to get up and step out in faith, IMMEDIATELY!  The longer we wait, the harder it will be to make the decision to step out.

Now, Peter is out of the boat and on the water.  I have often wondered how what this process looked like.  Did he simply jump overboard with both feet, completely trusting the water would hold him?  Or did he hang on to the side of the boat testing one foot at a time, make fully sure that the surface would hold him before slowly letting go of the boat, one finger at a time. 

*How do we respond to Jesus calling us out?  Do we jump in with both feet, eager and ready to go?  Or do we test the water, stepping out one foot at a time, making sure the Lord is good on His word? 

Peter is now confident that the water will hold him, so he looks straight at Jesus and begins walking towards him.  As his confidence begins to build and his pace quickens, a strong wind whips by his head, catching him off guard.  Peter takes his eyes off of Jesus and is more aware of the storm blowing around him.  Panic sets in and he begins to sink in the water. 

* As we are faithful to the calling the Lord has given us, we begin to gain confidence in His work.  We see results and give God the glory He deserves.  Then something happens that gets us distracted.  For a split second we hear someone tell us the task is too difficult or that we don’t have time for it.  We begin to feel the weight of the task ahead of us and begin to wonder if we were mistaken when we thought we heard Jesus’ voice calling.  Focus has been moved from the one who has called us to the labor of the calling.  When we lose our focus we begin to feel overwhelmed at the task ahead, spend less time in the Word and prayer, and lose sight of the finish line.  We sink, just as Peter sank.

As Peter was sinking he cried out to Jesus “Lord, save me!”  Jesus reached out his hand, pulled Peter up out of the water, then pointed out the reason Peter began to sink.  The distraction of the wind caused him to lose faith.

* When we allow distraction to get our eyes off of Jesus we begin to lose the vision, and eventually the faith to continue on and see the vision to completion.  When we become aware of this, we need to call out to Jesus to get us back on track.  As only Jesus can do, He will reach down and pull us back up on firm ground, at the same time reminding us in love that we lack the faith it takes to move forward.  Our response then must be for God to increase our faith daily that we may live for Him.

Peter and Jesus climb back in the boat while all the rest of the disciples stand in total amazement.  They have just witnessed two of their closest friends literally walk on water.  Once they snapped out of it, they immediately began worshipping Jesus, proclaiming that He truly was God’s only Son. 

* When others see us live our lives for God’s glory, being faithful to the calling He has placed on our lives, they begin to see Him for who He really is.  Even in the moments we mess up, we have the chance to tell others of the grace and forgiveness of God.  We are not perfect.  We are sinners saved by grace through faith.  Nothing we do good is of our own flesh, but a work of the Father in and through us.

Scripture does not speak to Peter’s thoughts or response to Jesus after this incredible experience.  I wonder if Peter had a hard time worshipping with the others because he was too busy beating himself up for his lack of faith.  Or was he able to immediately worship, asking God to forgive his lack of faith and increase it? 

*How much time do we spend beating ourselves up throwing personal pity parties rather that worshipping?  When we take the time to beat ourselves up over even the smallest things, we take the focus from the Lord and place it on ourselves.  While we are important to the Lord, we are not the reason God placed us here.  We are here for His glory and pleasure, to spread the gospel and love others.  The quicker we get out of our little pity party, the quicker we are able to get back on our feet and serve.  The quicker we are serving where we are called to serve, the quicker others will see God moving in and through us.

I believe each of us will find ourselves in some part of this story, either beginning the journey in faith, walking strong towards the goal, being pushed around by wind and waves, doubting your faith, crying out for mercy, throwing a pity party or worshipping the Lord.  Regardless of where you are, you are not alone.  Christ is there with you, walking beside you, guiding you, calling out your name.  He knows where you are and He wants to help you move to the next step in your journey.  Don’t lose faith and throw in the towel.  Learn from your experiences and praise the Lord simply for who He is.  Amazing things will happen!

Motivation

            This question has been rolling around in my head all week.  It hits me the second I wake up, makes my mind wander during the day, and ligers as I drift off to sleep.  It will not leave me be, at least not until I answer it.  Funny thing though, I was sure I had already answered this question.  I felt quite positive that I had looked it square in the eye some time ago and set the record straight.  Apparently I was mistaken, as this question is back, demanding an answer.  So, what is the question?  It is very simple, really.  Short, sweet and to the point. 

WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATION?

            There it is.  If only the answer were as easy.  My heart cries out that I want everything I do to be for God’s glory.  I long to see Him high and lifted up in my life, visible to all around me.  At the same time I can pretend there is nothing in my flesh that cries out for the least bit of acknowledgement, an accolade, or gentle “at-a-girl” nudge on the shoulder. 

            But there must be a time when the two engage in all out war.  The gloves come off, the fists fly and only one can be left standing in the end.  So, which will win?  Will my flesh take over, or will my heart declare victory loud and strong?  If I had been keeping score over the years, I would have to say that more often than I want to admit my flesh won.  Granted, my motivation may have started out pure and honorable, but as time progressed more questions were asked and the task came to completion, my flesh cried out much louder than my heart.  It saddens to me to acknowledge this.  However, it is true and must be dealt with on a continual basis.

            More recently I had to make a decision that not only impacted me, but would eventually impact my entire family.  I prayed about it, had dear friends praying with me, fasted, sought godly counsel, and meditated over scripture.  Feeling very confident in my answer, I spent time asking God to show me how to accomplish the task He had placed before me.  However, before He would not allow me to move forward, He had more questions to ask me.  Not surprisingly, each question became more difficult to answer.

            Finally, we came to the end of the question and answer session, or so I thought.  God had given me a clear vision of what He expected of me as His child, a wife, a mother, and in His kingdom work.  Feeling confident of this, He reminded me that nearly a year ago He had already provided me with His vision and expectations of my life.  He then asked why I could not simply take Him at His word and trust in His answers. 

            As I wrestled with myself over this, pinpointing my doubt and fears, I was reminded that my hesitation was disobedience.  When the Lord calls you to do something, gives you a vision and a plan, and you continue to ask questions rather than press on, you are being disobedient.  Now, I am not saying a little clarification is a bad thing, because often times we need that.  I am saying that not moving when we are called to move, hesitating out of fear, and continually asking the same questions for which you have already received an answer is disobedience.

            I think of how the disciples were called to follow Christ.  Many of them were fishermen and literally dropped their nets when they were called.  I think of how Daniel did not spend time asking God if he should eat the king’s food, he knew what God expected of him and he was obedient.  And, what about Nicodemus?  When Christ called him down out of the tree, did Nicodemus sit up on the branch asking questions?  No, he came down and they proceeded to his house for dinner.  

            So, what does any of this have to do with motivation?  It is simple, really.  The more we ask God questions, delaying our obedience and allowing satan to step in and distract us, our motivation is less about God’s glory and more about how we will be impacted if we are obedient.  In other words, the longer we mull something over in our mind, the more time we have to come up with random scenarios that will never come in to play.  We begin to think about others around us, becoming more concerned with what they think and if they will be supportive.  We begin to hash out all of the details and create and plan of action.  The problem here is that we are cutting God out of the picture!  Our motivation shifts from God’s glory to what will be easiest for us.  Instead of asking God how He wants to use us, we begin to tell God how we think we can fit Him in to our big picture. 

            The really scary thing about this, though, is that we don’t realize we are doing it.  We believe that we are truly seeking God’s wisdom and face and fail to acknowledge the answers that He has already given us.  I think of David and how he asked God to search His heart and check his motivation.  I believe that while we are seeking God’s will for our lives, or answering the questions He has placed before us, we need to make sure that we are doing a constant motivation check.  We have to make sure that we ask the Lord to reveal our true motivations, no matter how painful it may be.

            So, what about you?  What is your motivation?  Are you seeking the Lord for direction in your life?  Has he already given you the answer?  Are you accepting that answer and moving forward, or are you spinning your wheels asking rhetorical questions that have already been answered?  Is your heart still intent to serve the Lord and bring Him glory, or are you more concerned about how His calling will change the way others see you? 

A Hard Lesson Learned

Man, life has been crazy the past two weeks!  I have been so very blessed though.  I was able to spend a lot of time with my brother, sister-in-love and niece before they moved to Texas.  I even got to spend time with other family and friends, and visit with my sister-in-love’s dad and younger brother.  I have to say, her dad is a true Texan!  He fits the image most people conjure up when they think of Texas.  Even better than the image, he has a heart as big as the state he lives in.  I have been blessed every time I have been in his presence.  He truly is a great man.

Beyond the amazing time with my family and friends, I have been able to carve away some special time to spend with my girls.  We have played dress up, done manis and pedis, picnicked in the living room, and spent a day playing at a local water park.  I cherish every moment I have with my girls because I know that all too soon they will be grown.  One of my biggest fears is looking back over their childhoods with regret.  So I take advantage of every second I can while they are still mine. 

One truly amazing and life changing thing happened to me this past week.  I was blessed with the opportunity to visit with a group of ladies at Priscilla’s Place, a local home for teen girls.  Priscilla’s Place is a part of Teen Challenge, a Christian residential service helping people deal with life-controlling addictions.  The young ladies we met with have a wide variety of backgrounds.  Many of the young ladies were there dealing with drug and alcohol abuse and addictions.  Some of them were there by court order, others because family love them enough to send them there. 

We entered a large Victorian style house and met with the facility director.  She told us the history of Priscilla’s Place and the stories of a few of the young ladies we were about to meet.  After a very informative discussion we joined the young ladies in their Thursday morning chapel service.  It was more of an informal bible study lead by woman from a local church.  She comes every Thursday to share the Word with these young ladies, and love on them.  As I sat and listened to her teach from Isaiah 43, I watched the faces of the young ladies in the room.  Some listened intently.  Some were there because they had to be.  Regardless of why they were there, they were all hearing the Word, which we know will not return void.  Lives were being changed that morning, including mine.

After the study was over, myself and the other two ladies visiting were invited to join a prayer circle, each woman in the room praying for God’s blessings and direction for the young ladies at Priscilla’s Place.  After our prayer time we were able to visit with a few of the young ladies before they headed to class.  They have daily classes ranging from biblical studies to daily life.  That particular day they had a theology class called “What We Know”.  I wish I could have sat in on the class, but we were blessed with a tour of the house during that time.

The entire time I was in the house my thoughts kept going back to 3 particular young ladies.  I didn’t know their stories and had no clue why there were at Priscilla’s Place, I just knew that my heart was drawn to them.  We finished our tour and were asked to sit it on a sign language class practice.  They young ladies learn and perform sign language to praise and worship songs.  As I sat and watched them, the words of the songs had all new meaning to me.  The ladies truly worshipped as they practiced, singing the songs of celebration and promises to the Lord.  I was not prepared for such an amazing time of worship in the middle of my week, but was so grateful to have been blessed by these amazing young ladies.

As I drove away I started crying and praying.  How am I supposed to be involved with these ladies?  What I am supposed to do to reach out to them?  I knew the Lord had not brought me to Priscilla’s Place that morning just to meet new people.  He brought me there for a reason.  He has something in store for me and the young ladies at Priscilla’s Place.  I am still praying for wisdom and direction, but am confident the Lord will show His will in His timing. 

The director of our Women’s Ministry and I plan to attend graduation in a few weeks.  Once the ladies have completed their time at Priscilla’s Place, they hold a special graduation ceremony for the young ladies.  We were asked to attend graduation and see how family and friends are impacted by the ministry at Priscilla’s Place.  I am looking forward to attending and visiting with these lovely ladies once again.

My visit really has me evaluating things in my life.  How am I giving to those in need?  How am I loving on others the way the Lord loves them?  What sacrifices am I making that show others how much they are loved?  Sadly, I am doing little.  Even worse, I am not teaching my daughters to love and to give.  I know that one person cannot change the world, but I can change the world to one person.  God has called us all to love others the way Christ has loved us.  Sacrificially.  Selflessly. Completely. 

While I am still processing my visit and asking God to show me how to get more involved, I hear several references to Kyle Idleman’s book “Not a Fan”.  I have wanted to read this for some time now, just have not made it that far down on my “list of books to read” yet.  I have researched the book and asked others about it.  I keep hearing the same thing… “it will change your life.”  Well, I am ready for that to happen.  I no longer want to be a fan of Christ, I want to be a true follower.  I want to live my life completely for Him, for His glory.   I know it is a life long process and journey.  I know that I will struggle daily.  I know that I will fall on my face some days.  However, I was made by my creator, for my creator and I need to live my life for Him.  In doing that, I need to love and sacrifice for others.  I need to let others see Christ in me.  I need to stop worrying about myself and what others think and focus only on what He wants me to do.

What has the Lord called you to do?  Are you doing it?  What are you afraid of?  Are you loving and giving as He has called you to love?  Are you serving and reaching out to others in need?  What can you do today to be a blessing to someone around you?  Don’t be afraid.  We were not given a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love and a sound mind.  Get out there and be His hands and feet!  Come back and share with me the good works you are doing for His name! 

BLESSINGS!

No Ordinary Woman

These words were written in a poem given to me by a dear sweet friend.  The poem is a description of a Daughter of the Most High King.  She walks in strength and dignity.  She is confident, but not in herself.  Her confidence comes from the Lord.  She is beautiful, but her beauty cannot be compared to worldly standards.  Her beauty radiates from a heart that is passionately in love with her Lord.  She is strong, but not in her flesh.  Her strength is grounded in her Savior.  She is caring and gives without a second thought.  She loves others the same way her Heavenly Father loves them, sacrificially.  She has been blessed by family and friends, and has every reason to be proud of her accomplishments in life.  Yet, there is no pride to be found in this woman.  She is humble for she knows that everything in her life is a blessing from Lord, gifts of love and sacrifice poured out on her.  She is not worthy of anything she has received in this life, but never fails to thank the Lord for all He has done.

There are a few women in my life that come to mind when I think about the description of a Daughter of a Most High King.  These women are truly in love with their Savior and serve Him without hesitation.  They live life with great passion and strive only to bring glory to the Lord.  I am confident they will one day hear the sweet words “well done, good and faithful servant”.   My heart rejoices now as I envision seeing them before the throne, receiving blessings for their life of love and service.

Are there women in your life that fit the description above?  If so, tell them!  Let them know that you see their heart, their sacrifice and the love they have for others.  Tell them that you cherish the example they are.  Then, learn from them!  Draw close to them!  Love on them and watch the amazing things God will accomplish in you and in your new friendship.

I can say that my heart is for others to see Christ in me.  I struggle daily with my flesh, and sometimes lose the small battles.  I have chosen to learn from those losses and be better prepared for the next round.  No one is perfect.  Even the ladies that fit this incredible description lose battles.  They struggle the same as every other women.  The difference though, is they have set their hope firmly in Christ and will not be shaken. 

She is no Ordinary Woman,

She is the Daughter of the Most High King.

Let that soak in for a moment.  We are daughters of the Most High King.  There is no reason to walk around in doubt and gloom.  There is no reason to always look at the glass as half empty.  There is no reason to compare yourself to other women and continually as yourself “what if”.  We are all Princesses of the same Father.  We are all loved deeply, passionately, sincerely and equally.  Each of us have been clothed in strength and dignity.  We are all loved with an everlasting love.  We will never be left or forsaken.  We have a Father who is our Defender, Redeemer, Provider, Shelter, Rock, and Lover of our Souls!  We are no ordinary women for we are the daughters of an extraordinary Father.  Stand strong in that truth and never let it be taken from you. 

Blessings

This week has truly been amazing!  There is a lot to share, but I will give you the Reader’s Digest version…  trust me, you will thank me later!

• I have been able to spend a great deal of time with my family this week, particularly my brother and his family.  I am soaking up every second I have with them before the move to Texas. 
• I was loved on by my in-laws this week.  It struck me funny that they are so overprotective of me, but realized that they raised two boys, so having a daughter help out with yard work was new for them.  I think I surprised them just as much as they surprised me!  They are good people!
• Our church had our 3^rd annual Kids Clothing and Equipment Sale this weekend.  It was a lot of work, though I did not do near as much as the others that worked to make it happen.  We made more this year than last year, and I had the opportunity to spend a little time chatting with an old high school friend.  No major conversational topics, but still a good time just hanging out and talking about random topics.
• After 4 years, I finally had a girls night with my Sister-in-Love.  We had such an amazing time!  Good Mexican food, tattoos, and ice cream.  Yes, you read that right, tattoos.  This is something I have wanted for 5 years and I finally decided that now is the time. 
• After dinner and tattoos, we shut down Dairy Queen!  We sat outside with our Blizzards and talked for hours.  We had funny topics, serious topics, good laughs, a few tears, and a lot of bonding.  I hate that it has taken us so long to spend time like this together, but I am so glad that God gave us this time before the move. 
• Tonight, after a nice 2.5 hour nap, I was able to spend time playing dress up with my girls.  It was so much fun!  After we fixed each others hair and put make up on, the girls put on my dresses.  We danced, played, and even made a last minute trip to McDs to get ice cream.  I mean, how sad is it when you get dressed up and have no place to go?  They were so excited to get to go out dressed up!

This past week has made me realize how short our time here on earth is, and how we need to take advantage of every second God gives us.  We have to enjoy our families and friends, and even take the time to get to know new people.  I truly believe this is how we make the biggest impact for our Lord.  Jesus spent time getting to know sinners, and special time with his disciples.  This is how they knew is heart and saw him for who he really was.  The same applies to us.  If we are not investing in the lives of others around us, they will never get to see who we really are.  Not only that, but we will miss out on the blessings of great relationships, even with those we think we would never be able to get close to.  This week, make it a point to spend some extra time with a friend or family member.  Maybe even step out of your comfort zone and get to know someone new.