Sunday, January 26, 2014


Happy Birthday!
I absolutely love celebrating birthdays.  More specifically, I love celebrating my daughters’ birthdays.  Each birthday is a reminder of God’s goodness to my husband and I.  This week we celebrated our youngest daughter’s seventh birthday.  It seems like yesterday I was in the doctor’s office and learned the very surprising news that we were expecting our second child.  It had taken us eight long years before we were able to celebrate the birth of our oldest daughter and were not even ready to begin thinking of expanding our family. 

However, God had something else in mind. 

On January 23, 2007, God began a chapter in my life that He had already written for me. 

I have watched Madeline the past few days and soaked up every little squeal, smile, hug, and thank you.  She is so full of life, wonder and energy.  She is my spunky, sassy, compassionate, and inquisitive girl.  She has a constant sparkle in her eye and desire to make people around her smile.  As I sit her and write about her, she is next to me asking if she can hit the period key at the end of each sentence.  She loves to be a part of everything I do. 

The more I watch my baby, the more I fall in love with who she is.  And in the process, God reminds me that he looks at me the same way, as His precious and loved daughter. 

He also reminds me that when I was young in my faith I was full of life and wonder and energy.  I studied the Word, I told everyone that would listen how amazing God was and how desperately they needed Jesus.  I served with energy and passion, excited to see God working in my life and the lives of others.  I was spunky, sassy, compassionate and inquisitive.  I would read scriptures for hours, studying to find the answers to questions that would not let me sleep.  I had a sparkle in my eye and desired to make people around me smile.  And I loved being a part of what God was doing.  I so desperately wanted God to use me that I made myself available to Him, and moved obediently when he called.

Then life happened.  

And somewhere along the way I lost the wonder, energy and spunk.

They were replaced with frustration, exhaustion and complacency.

I have been blessed with such an amazing life.  I have the most incredible family a girl could ask for.  I have friends that are supportive and a church that provides opportunities for me to serve and fulfill the calling God has placed in my life.  I have a successful career in a well-known and successful firm. 

But in the midst of life itself I became so caught up in the minutia that I lost focus.

I became internally focused, rather than eternally focused.

I failed to keep the main thing, the main thing.

And now as I watch Madeline so full of life and willing to serve and ask the hard questions, I wonder…

What does God see when He looks at me now?

He sees His daughter.  The one he knit together in the secret place.  The one He hemmed in before and behind.  The one he created so intimately and perfectly.  The one He sat and wrote out a specific story for, one full of His blessings and abundance.  The one He longs to use for His glory.

So tonight I will let this sink deep in my heart and move me.  I will take the time to let my God love on me and fill me to overflowing.  I will cherish these moments he uses my daughters to remind me how precious I am to Him. 

And I will remind my sweet babies how precious they are to Him as well.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Yes!!!


Yes, I am well aware it has been a very long time since I sat down and set my thoughts to written word.  Let’s just go ahead and label 2013 as a year of challenges, reality checks, bumps, bruises and new beginnings.  A variety of good and not-so-good began or developed in 2013.  While I look back grateful for what I have learned, the moments I spend looking back will be much shorter than the moments I spend living intentionally in the moment in 2014.  That being said…

I have spent a considerable amount of time complacent.  This complacency gradually grew into a root of bitterness.  I began to live with a sense of entitlement, truly believing that it was time for me.  I had given, served, and worked hard after many sleepless nights.  I had changed to make others happy and allowed myself back in the trap of people pleasing.  Living this way left me tired, worn, frazzled, grouchy, and desperately clinging to the blanket I often tried to hide under.  I was depressed, stressed and unhappy with what I had allowed to become priority in my life.  I was so far gone that I had no idea how to even begin getting my life back where it was supposed to be. 

Taking advantage of one of my brief moments looking back... the ugliness was beautiful!  God allowed each bump, bruise and fractured bone happen to show me who He really is.  The moments I felt alone, God whispered how jealous He is for me. The moments I felt I could no longer go on, God was with me through a hug, a card or kind words.  The moments I allowed jealousy to take over, God revealed His cure for jealousy by encouraging me through the beautiful family he blessed me with.

Now, intentionally taking advantage of the present moment… the true beauty of it all is the sovereign, unchanging, unfailing God that loves me.  He loves me enough to allow me to go through the difficult times in order to see with my own eyes that I have to get over myself and move on.  I have to stop taking myself so seriously, trying to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to do with every moment of every day, and stop comparing myself to everyone around me.  God made me who I am, quirks and all, and placed me in my generation for a reason.  He has allowed me the incredibly opportunity to be the wife of an amazing man and the mother of two wild, crazy, spunky and sassy girls.  He has allowed me to be a part of a church filled with other people that struggle the same as me. 

So now I have to make a decision.  Do I follow my restless heart, determined to run hard after God and live my life fulfilling His purpose for His glory?  Or do I go back to the ugliness I settled in all too comfortably last year and continue to be miserable?  Do I find peace and fulfillment in the life God has given me?  Or do I continue to compare myself to others, never measuring up?

Complacency or contentment?

Misery or Mission?

Pity or Purpose?

I know what my heart is telling me…  You?