Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A few days ago I sat down and read through the story of Jesus walking on the water (Matthew 14:22-33) with my oldest daughter.  After we read the story we focused on Peter, discussing the faith it took for him to step out on the water, how his faith was tested by the wind and the storm, the results when we lose faith, and how Jesus responds to us when we cry out to Him.  The discussion was not in depth, but a great reminder of the importance of keeping our focus on Jesus.  The Lord keeps calling this story back to mind, and every time He does he points out something different for me to focus on.  Those thoughts are what I want to share with you today.

As the disciples are in the storm they see Jesus walking on the water towards their boat.  They initially think He is a ghost, until they witness an amazing scene between Peter and Jesus.  Peter decides to test Jesus, saying “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”  Without hesitation Jesus calls Peter out.  In response, Peter gets out of the boat. 
           
* Often times we ask Jesus to call us to serve where He wants us to serve.  The response from Jesus may be immediate because we are ready to serve where He wants us to, or it may be delayed because He is still preparing us. Either way, our response needs to be like Peter.  We need to get up and step out in faith, IMMEDIATELY!  The longer we wait, the harder it will be to make the decision to step out.

Now, Peter is out of the boat and on the water.  I have often wondered how what this process looked like.  Did he simply jump overboard with both feet, completely trusting the water would hold him?  Or did he hang on to the side of the boat testing one foot at a time, make fully sure that the surface would hold him before slowly letting go of the boat, one finger at a time. 

*How do we respond to Jesus calling us out?  Do we jump in with both feet, eager and ready to go?  Or do we test the water, stepping out one foot at a time, making sure the Lord is good on His word? 

Peter is now confident that the water will hold him, so he looks straight at Jesus and begins walking towards him.  As his confidence begins to build and his pace quickens, a strong wind whips by his head, catching him off guard.  Peter takes his eyes off of Jesus and is more aware of the storm blowing around him.  Panic sets in and he begins to sink in the water. 

* As we are faithful to the calling the Lord has given us, we begin to gain confidence in His work.  We see results and give God the glory He deserves.  Then something happens that gets us distracted.  For a split second we hear someone tell us the task is too difficult or that we don’t have time for it.  We begin to feel the weight of the task ahead of us and begin to wonder if we were mistaken when we thought we heard Jesus’ voice calling.  Focus has been moved from the one who has called us to the labor of the calling.  When we lose our focus we begin to feel overwhelmed at the task ahead, spend less time in the Word and prayer, and lose sight of the finish line.  We sink, just as Peter sank.

As Peter was sinking he cried out to Jesus “Lord, save me!”  Jesus reached out his hand, pulled Peter up out of the water, then pointed out the reason Peter began to sink.  The distraction of the wind caused him to lose faith.

* When we allow distraction to get our eyes off of Jesus we begin to lose the vision, and eventually the faith to continue on and see the vision to completion.  When we become aware of this, we need to call out to Jesus to get us back on track.  As only Jesus can do, He will reach down and pull us back up on firm ground, at the same time reminding us in love that we lack the faith it takes to move forward.  Our response then must be for God to increase our faith daily that we may live for Him.

Peter and Jesus climb back in the boat while all the rest of the disciples stand in total amazement.  They have just witnessed two of their closest friends literally walk on water.  Once they snapped out of it, they immediately began worshipping Jesus, proclaiming that He truly was God’s only Son. 

* When others see us live our lives for God’s glory, being faithful to the calling He has placed on our lives, they begin to see Him for who He really is.  Even in the moments we mess up, we have the chance to tell others of the grace and forgiveness of God.  We are not perfect.  We are sinners saved by grace through faith.  Nothing we do good is of our own flesh, but a work of the Father in and through us.

Scripture does not speak to Peter’s thoughts or response to Jesus after this incredible experience.  I wonder if Peter had a hard time worshipping with the others because he was too busy beating himself up for his lack of faith.  Or was he able to immediately worship, asking God to forgive his lack of faith and increase it? 

*How much time do we spend beating ourselves up throwing personal pity parties rather that worshipping?  When we take the time to beat ourselves up over even the smallest things, we take the focus from the Lord and place it on ourselves.  While we are important to the Lord, we are not the reason God placed us here.  We are here for His glory and pleasure, to spread the gospel and love others.  The quicker we get out of our little pity party, the quicker we are able to get back on our feet and serve.  The quicker we are serving where we are called to serve, the quicker others will see God moving in and through us.

I believe each of us will find ourselves in some part of this story, either beginning the journey in faith, walking strong towards the goal, being pushed around by wind and waves, doubting your faith, crying out for mercy, throwing a pity party or worshipping the Lord.  Regardless of where you are, you are not alone.  Christ is there with you, walking beside you, guiding you, calling out your name.  He knows where you are and He wants to help you move to the next step in your journey.  Don’t lose faith and throw in the towel.  Learn from your experiences and praise the Lord simply for who He is.  Amazing things will happen!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Motivation

            This question has been rolling around in my head all week.  It hits me the second I wake up, makes my mind wander during the day, and ligers as I drift off to sleep.  It will not leave me be, at least not until I answer it.  Funny thing though, I was sure I had already answered this question.  I felt quite positive that I had looked it square in the eye some time ago and set the record straight.  Apparently I was mistaken, as this question is back, demanding an answer.  So, what is the question?  It is very simple, really.  Short, sweet and to the point. 

WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATION?

            There it is.  If only the answer were as easy.  My heart cries out that I want everything I do to be for God’s glory.  I long to see Him high and lifted up in my life, visible to all around me.  At the same time I can pretend there is nothing in my flesh that cries out for the least bit of acknowledgement, an accolade, or gentle “at-a-girl” nudge on the shoulder. 

            But there must be a time when the two engage in all out war.  The gloves come off, the fists fly and only one can be left standing in the end.  So, which will win?  Will my flesh take over, or will my heart declare victory loud and strong?  If I had been keeping score over the years, I would have to say that more often than I want to admit my flesh won.  Granted, my motivation may have started out pure and honorable, but as time progressed more questions were asked and the task came to completion, my flesh cried out much louder than my heart.  It saddens to me to acknowledge this.  However, it is true and must be dealt with on a continual basis.

            More recently I had to make a decision that not only impacted me, but would eventually impact my entire family.  I prayed about it, had dear friends praying with me, fasted, sought godly counsel, and meditated over scripture.  Feeling very confident in my answer, I spent time asking God to show me how to accomplish the task He had placed before me.  However, before He would not allow me to move forward, He had more questions to ask me.  Not surprisingly, each question became more difficult to answer.

            Finally, we came to the end of the question and answer session, or so I thought.  God had given me a clear vision of what He expected of me as His child, a wife, a mother, and in His kingdom work.  Feeling confident of this, He reminded me that nearly a year ago He had already provided me with His vision and expectations of my life.  He then asked why I could not simply take Him at His word and trust in His answers. 

            As I wrestled with myself over this, pinpointing my doubt and fears, I was reminded that my hesitation was disobedience.  When the Lord calls you to do something, gives you a vision and a plan, and you continue to ask questions rather than press on, you are being disobedient.  Now, I am not saying a little clarification is a bad thing, because often times we need that.  I am saying that not moving when we are called to move, hesitating out of fear, and continually asking the same questions for which you have already received an answer is disobedience.

            I think of how the disciples were called to follow Christ.  Many of them were fishermen and literally dropped their nets when they were called.  I think of how Daniel did not spend time asking God if he should eat the king’s food, he knew what God expected of him and he was obedient.  And, what about Nicodemus?  When Christ called him down out of the tree, did Nicodemus sit up on the branch asking questions?  No, he came down and they proceeded to his house for dinner.  

            So, what does any of this have to do with motivation?  It is simple, really.  The more we ask God questions, delaying our obedience and allowing satan to step in and distract us, our motivation is less about God’s glory and more about how we will be impacted if we are obedient.  In other words, the longer we mull something over in our mind, the more time we have to come up with random scenarios that will never come in to play.  We begin to think about others around us, becoming more concerned with what they think and if they will be supportive.  We begin to hash out all of the details and create and plan of action.  The problem here is that we are cutting God out of the picture!  Our motivation shifts from God’s glory to what will be easiest for us.  Instead of asking God how He wants to use us, we begin to tell God how we think we can fit Him in to our big picture. 

            The really scary thing about this, though, is that we don’t realize we are doing it.  We believe that we are truly seeking God’s wisdom and face and fail to acknowledge the answers that He has already given us.  I think of David and how he asked God to search His heart and check his motivation.  I believe that while we are seeking God’s will for our lives, or answering the questions He has placed before us, we need to make sure that we are doing a constant motivation check.  We have to make sure that we ask the Lord to reveal our true motivations, no matter how painful it may be.

            So, what about you?  What is your motivation?  Are you seeking the Lord for direction in your life?  Has he already given you the answer?  Are you accepting that answer and moving forward, or are you spinning your wheels asking rhetorical questions that have already been answered?  Is your heart still intent to serve the Lord and bring Him glory, or are you more concerned about how His calling will change the way others see you? 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

A Hard Lesson Learned

Man, life has been crazy the past two weeks!  I have been so very blessed though.  I was able to spend a lot of time with my brother, sister-in-love and niece before they moved to Texas.  I even got to spend time with other family and friends, and visit with my sister-in-love’s dad and younger brother.  I have to say, her dad is a true Texan!  He fits the image most people conjure up when they think of Texas.  Even better than the image, he has a heart as big as the state he lives in.  I have been blessed every time I have been in his presence.  He truly is a great man.

Beyond the amazing time with my family and friends, I have been able to carve away some special time to spend with my girls.  We have played dress up, done manis and pedis, picnicked in the living room, and spent a day playing at a local water park.  I cherish every moment I have with my girls because I know that all too soon they will be grown.  One of my biggest fears is looking back over their childhoods with regret.  So I take advantage of every second I can while they are still mine. 

One truly amazing and life changing thing happened to me this past week.  I was blessed with the opportunity to visit with a group of ladies at Priscilla’s Place, a local home for teen girls.  Priscilla’s Place is a part of Teen Challenge, a Christian residential service helping people deal with life-controlling addictions.  The young ladies we met with have a wide variety of backgrounds.  Many of the young ladies were there dealing with drug and alcohol abuse and addictions.  Some of them were there by court order, others because family love them enough to send them there. 

We entered a large Victorian style house and met with the facility director.  She told us the history of Priscilla’s Place and the stories of a few of the young ladies we were about to meet.  After a very informative discussion we joined the young ladies in their Thursday morning chapel service.  It was more of an informal bible study lead by woman from a local church.  She comes every Thursday to share the Word with these young ladies, and love on them.  As I sat and listened to her teach from Isaiah 43, I watched the faces of the young ladies in the room.  Some listened intently.  Some were there because they had to be.  Regardless of why they were there, they were all hearing the Word, which we know will not return void.  Lives were being changed that morning, including mine.

After the study was over, myself and the other two ladies visiting were invited to join a prayer circle, each woman in the room praying for God’s blessings and direction for the young ladies at Priscilla’s Place.  After our prayer time we were able to visit with a few of the young ladies before they headed to class.  They have daily classes ranging from biblical studies to daily life.  That particular day they had a theology class called “What We Know”.  I wish I could have sat in on the class, but we were blessed with a tour of the house during that time.

The entire time I was in the house my thoughts kept going back to 3 particular young ladies.  I didn’t know their stories and had no clue why there were at Priscilla’s Place, I just knew that my heart was drawn to them.  We finished our tour and were asked to sit it on a sign language class practice.  They young ladies learn and perform sign language to praise and worship songs.  As I sat and watched them, the words of the songs had all new meaning to me.  The ladies truly worshipped as they practiced, singing the songs of celebration and promises to the Lord.  I was not prepared for such an amazing time of worship in the middle of my week, but was so grateful to have been blessed by these amazing young ladies.

As I drove away I started crying and praying.  How am I supposed to be involved with these ladies?  What I am supposed to do to reach out to them?  I knew the Lord had not brought me to Priscilla’s Place that morning just to meet new people.  He brought me there for a reason.  He has something in store for me and the young ladies at Priscilla’s Place.  I am still praying for wisdom and direction, but am confident the Lord will show His will in His timing. 

The director of our Women’s Ministry and I plan to attend graduation in a few weeks.  Once the ladies have completed their time at Priscilla’s Place, they hold a special graduation ceremony for the young ladies.  We were asked to attend graduation and see how family and friends are impacted by the ministry at Priscilla’s Place.  I am looking forward to attending and visiting with these lovely ladies once again.

My visit really has me evaluating things in my life.  How am I giving to those in need?  How am I loving on others the way the Lord loves them?  What sacrifices am I making that show others how much they are loved?  Sadly, I am doing little.  Even worse, I am not teaching my daughters to love and to give.  I know that one person cannot change the world, but I can change the world to one person.  God has called us all to love others the way Christ has loved us.  Sacrificially.  Selflessly. Completely. 

While I am still processing my visit and asking God to show me how to get more involved, I hear several references to Kyle Idleman’s book “Not a Fan”.  I have wanted to read this for some time now, just have not made it that far down on my “list of books to read” yet.  I have researched the book and asked others about it.  I keep hearing the same thing… “it will change your life.”  Well, I am ready for that to happen.  I no longer want to be a fan of Christ, I want to be a true follower.  I want to live my life completely for Him, for His glory.   I know it is a life long process and journey.  I know that I will struggle daily.  I know that I will fall on my face some days.  However, I was made by my creator, for my creator and I need to live my life for Him.  In doing that, I need to love and sacrifice for others.  I need to let others see Christ in me.  I need to stop worrying about myself and what others think and focus only on what He wants me to do.

What has the Lord called you to do?  Are you doing it?  What are you afraid of?  Are you loving and giving as He has called you to love?  Are you serving and reaching out to others in need?  What can you do today to be a blessing to someone around you?  Don’t be afraid.  We were not given a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love and a sound mind.  Get out there and be His hands and feet!  Come back and share with me the good works you are doing for His name! 

BLESSINGS!

Friday, July 15, 2011

No Ordinary Woman

These words were written in a poem given to me by a dear sweet friend.  The poem is a description of a Daughter of the Most High King.  She walks in strength and dignity.  She is confident, but not in herself.  Her confidence comes from the Lord.  She is beautiful, but her beauty cannot be compared to worldly standards.  Her beauty radiates from a heart that is passionately in love with her Lord.  She is strong, but not in her flesh.  Her strength is grounded in her Savior.  She is caring and gives without a second thought.  She loves others the same way her Heavenly Father loves them, sacrificially.  She has been blessed by family and friends, and has every reason to be proud of her accomplishments in life.  Yet, there is no pride to be found in this woman.  She is humble for she knows that everything in her life is a blessing from Lord, gifts of love and sacrifice poured out on her.  She is not worthy of anything she has received in this life, but never fails to thank the Lord for all He has done.

There are a few women in my life that come to mind when I think about the description of a Daughter of a Most High King.  These women are truly in love with their Savior and serve Him without hesitation.  They live life with great passion and strive only to bring glory to the Lord.  I am confident they will one day hear the sweet words “well done, good and faithful servant”.   My heart rejoices now as I envision seeing them before the throne, receiving blessings for their life of love and service.

Are there women in your life that fit the description above?  If so, tell them!  Let them know that you see their heart, their sacrifice and the love they have for others.  Tell them that you cherish the example they are.  Then, learn from them!  Draw close to them!  Love on them and watch the amazing things God will accomplish in you and in your new friendship.

I can say that my heart is for others to see Christ in me.  I struggle daily with my flesh, and sometimes lose the small battles.  I have chosen to learn from those losses and be better prepared for the next round.  No one is perfect.  Even the ladies that fit this incredible description lose battles.  They struggle the same as every other women.  The difference though, is they have set their hope firmly in Christ and will not be shaken. 

She is no Ordinary Woman,
She is the Daughter of the Most High King.

Let that soak in for a moment.  We are daughters of the Most High King.  There is no reason to walk around in doubt and gloom.  There is no reason to always look at the glass as half empty.  There is no reason to compare yourself to other women and continually as yourself “what if”.  We are all Princesses of the same Father.  We are all loved deeply, passionately, sincerely and equally.  Each of us have been clothed in strength and dignity.  We are all loved with an everlasting love.  We will never be left or forsaken.  We have a Father who is our Defender, Redeemer, Provider, Shelter, Rock, and Lover of our Souls!  We are no ordinary women for we are the daughters of an extraordinary Father.  Stand strong in that truth and never let it be taken from you. 

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Blessings

This week has truly been amazing!  There is a lot to share, but I will give you the Reader’s Digest version…  trust me, you will thank me later!

  • I have been able to spend a great deal of time with my family this week, particularly my brother and his family.  I am soaking up every second I have with them before the move to Texas. 
  • I was loved on by my in-laws this week.  It struck me funny that they are so overprotective of me, but realized that they raised two boys, so having a daughter help out with yard work was new for them.  I think I surprised them just as much as they surprised me!  They are good people!
  • Our church had our 3rd annual Kids Clothing and Equipment Sale this weekend.  It was a lot of work, though I did not do near as much as the others that worked to make it happen.  We made more this year than last year, and I had the opportunity to spend a little time chatting with an old high school friend.  No major conversational topics, but still a good time just hanging out and talking about random topics.
  • After 4 years, I finally had a girls night with my Sister-in-Love.  We had such an amazing time!  Good Mexican food, tattoos, and ice cream.  Yes, you read that right, tattoos.  This is something I have wanted for 5 years and I finally decided that now is the time. 
  • After dinner and tattoos, we shut down Dairy Queen!  We sat outside with our Blizzards and talked for hours.  We had funny topics, serious topics, good laughs, a few tears, and a lot of bonding.  I hate that it has taken us so long to spend time like this together, but I am so glad that God gave us this time before the move. 
  • Tonight, after a nice 2.5 hour nap, I was able to spend time playing dress up with my girls.  It was so much fun!  After we fixed each others hair and put make up on, the girls put on my dresses.  We danced, played, and even made a last minute trip to McDs to get ice cream.  I mean, how sad is it when you get dressed up and have no place to go?  They were so excited to get to go out dressed up!

This past week has made me realize how short our time here on earth is, and how we need to take advantage of every second God gives us.  We have to enjoy our families and friends, and even take the time to get to know new people.  I truly believe this is how we make the biggest impact for our Lord.  Jesus spent time getting to know sinners, and special time with his disciples.  This is how they knew is heart and saw him for who he really was.  The same applies to us.  If we are not investing in the lives of others around us, they will never get to see who we really are.  Not only that, but we will miss out on the blessings of great relationships, even with those we think we would never be able to get close to.  This week, make it a point to spend some extra time with a friend or family member.  Maybe even step out of your comfort zone and get to know someone new.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

A Grateful Heart

Looking back over each week and thanking the Lord for the blessings He has given me has really changed me.  I am learning to be more grateful for the small things in life, and worry less about the little things that seem to get in my way.  Reminds me of Francesca Battistelli’s song, “This is the Stuff”….  “In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I’m blessed”… SO TRUE!  I enjoy my time of reflection because it makes me refocus my life on HIS blessings, which are the things that bring me joy and carry me through every second of every day. 

This past week has been different, to say the least.  But, in the highs and lows, I know the Lord is sustaining me and training me for what lies just around the corner… that is both scary and exciting!!!!

  • Monday night I got to spend some quality time with my girls, parents, brother and niece cleaning up the camper and boat from our last camping trip.  It was a good reminder of fun times I had when I was a kid.  I had some good chats with my brother about his move to Texas, and really soaked in the reality of the move.  With each event and conversation God is preparing me for the move, and for the work that must be done here after they leave.
  • Tuesday my mother sat at our house for several hours waiting for our new washer to be delivered and installed.  She is such a blessing!  She gives all she has, even to the point of exhaustion.  She thinks of others first and does everything she can to make life better and easier for those around her.  I have watched her give of herself until she is literally sick in bed.  Though I try to stop her from doing so much, I see her heart and desire to serve.  Who am I to take that away from her?  I pray that I grow older I have a heart of service like she does.  We all have our faults, but faults aside, she is an amazing woman and such a blessing to me. 
  • Wednesday morning I took my youngest daughter to her post-op neurosurgeon appointment.  The surgeon was amazed at her healing and discharged us from his care.  He was pleased with how the surgery went, with how she is recovering, and with the very minimal risk of her venous malformation returning.  She was just as excited as I was to know that she is now “officially” a “normal” kid again.  She is such a precious blessing to me. 
  • The same morning we got good news about my youngest daughter, my oldest daughter broke out in a rash from head to toe, had a low grade fever and a nasty case of Swimmer’s Ear.  I am happy to report that she is now better and back to being herself. 
  • Between doctor appointments and rashes that keep little girls from daycare, I managed to stay home Wednesday so my husband could go to work.  I did some work from home, but while the girls rested and watched movies, I did some MAJOR house cleaning.  I cannot begin to tell you how great it feels to clean out closets and throw away the junk that accumulates.  I don’t need that clutter in my life and was happy to get rid of it!
  • Thursday I was able to celebrate a small victory!  I have been struggling with my weight my entire life!  I lost 85 pounds after my second daughter was born, kept it off for 2 years, then it started creeping back up!  I gained 25 of those ugly pounds back and have struggle for almost 2 years now to get it off.  I finally started in the right direction on my scale, after doctor visits, long talks with my WW leader and encouragement from my dearest friend.  .4 pounds is not a lot, but when you are constantly gaining or staying the same, it is HUGE!
  • Friday I learned that a dear friend of mine had an incredibly tough week.  Actually, she has had a tough year.  But, in the midst of all she has faced, she has been an amazing example of God’s strength and dignity poured out in flesh.  Even when she is struggling and wants to throw a pity party, she continues to look to the Lord and praise Him.  She speaks with wisdom and acts with honor.  She is my mentor and such a blessing to me.  I love this dear woman and her husband as though they are my own family, flesh and bone.
  • Saturday was one of the best days of the week!  We worked so hard inside and outside of the house, finishing up projects that have been on our “to-do” list for months!  At the end of the day we had a very clean house, freshly painted posts on our front porch, a yard cleared of a dead tree, and a completely planted raised garden.  I am so grateful for the health the Lord has given me to be able to work so hard, for so long. 
  • After a long day of work, we treated ourselves to ice cream and just relaxed, cuddles up on the couch, and fresh pedicures!  This time I got brave.... teal toesnails!  GOOD STUFF!
  • Sunday service was amazing, a true celebration of our Independence Day and the service men and women who fight for our freedom!  We are so blessed her in America!  The sermon really called me to the carpet on a few things the Lord has been dealing on me with.  It is time to stop sitting on the back pew, wising I was doing what He has called me to do, and get on my feet and start working.  I am super excited to see what is just around the corner!!!!
  • Sunday afternoon while my family relaxed I reflected on my week, the sermon, and my future.  I began working out the details of a few things the Lord had laid on my heart, and really just say and listened to Him.  It was refreshing!
  • Sunday night I found myself almost in tears as I watch the joy and wonder on my daughter’s faces as we watched fireworks go off in our neighborhood.  We saw a storm coming in, so we went in the house and got ready for bed.  Before we tucked the girls in, I took them upstairs, sat them on the bed with me, and we watched more fireworks form my daughter’s bedroom window.  We snuggled, talked about the pretty colors, and about the fun-filled Fourth of July we were going to celebrate the next day.  They were both so excited they had a hard time going to bed.  I was reminded of those times I shared with my brother.  The nights we were so excited about the events of the following day that we could not sleep.  And the nights that we stayed up all night long just being silly.  Those are memories that I will always keep tucked away in my heart.
  • Monday we celebrated our Independence Day.  I had a little talk with the girls about the importance of the holiday and the importance of the military that keeps protecting the freedoms we have here in America.  I am so blessed to have several service men and women in my family.  They make me very proud!
  • This marked the last time I would celebrate Independence Day with my brother, sister-in-love and niece here in Kentucky.  As I enjoyed the day, that thought kept creeping up.  So I soaked in every second and enjoyed the time I had with my family.  My sweet husband was so sick he could not enjoy the celebrations with us, which really took some of the fun of the day away, but he did what he could. 

After some fun times at a carnival, eating ice cream, playing with sparklers and watching fireworks, we all crawled in bed… completely exhausted.  All I could think about as I laid in bed that night was how truly blessed I am.  I deserve nothing good, yet God continues to pour out His love and blessing on me.  I pray that I never take them for granted and always have a grateful heart.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Letting Go

Letting go is never easy to do.  Especially when it comes to people you love.  I remember the week we took my younger brother away to college.  The drive from Kentucky to Florida in a small Class C RV seemed so incredibly long, yet not quite long enough.  I soaked up every second of the drive down, praying the whole time.  I knew in my heart life would never be the same for us.  Man I was right!



My brother and I have always been incredibly close.  Even though he is 6 years younger than me, and annoyed the fire out of me when I was a teenager, we always managed to stay close.  Through boyfriends and girlfriends, weddings and babies, we have always been there for each other.  God has given us a bond that I know will never be broken.  We may annoy each other or disagree with how the other deals with a certain situation, but the that does not change how we feel about each other.  I can look him in the eye and tell him I think he is an idiot, but love him anyway, and he knows that I mean both statements with all my heart.  I can say the same for him.



When he moved away to college I just knew in my heart that we would never live in the same state again.  This was very difficult on me, as well as my parents.   Then, approximately four years ago, I was blessed to have my brother and sister-in-love move from Florida to Kentucky.  I could not have been more surprised or excited.  During the past 4 years I have been blessed to experience numerous camping trips, cook outs, family reunions, four wheeling adventures in the “real mountains”, ventures in jewelry making, plotting family vacations, the pregnancy and birth of my youngest niece, discussions about parenthood, and life in general.  Yes, I can say without a doubt that I have been blessed!



Now the time has come for me to let go, again.  My heart aches every time I think about our last good-byes, the vision of them driving away, not seeing my niece grow up,  my girls not being able to play with their cousin, my parents not seeing their youngest granddaughter almost daily as they have for the past 3 years, my dad watching his best friend move away and my mom worrying about how well they will do in Texas.  After a few of these pity parties God really spoke to my heart.  He reminded me how blessed I have been to be a part of their lives for this long, and that now He is moving them to Texas so that my sister-in-love’s family can enjoy those same blessings.  I now imagine the look on her parents’ faces and the joy in their hearts as they have their baby girl, son-in-law and only granddaughter home.  I think about how they have had to go through the first three years of their granddaughter’s life with only one or two visits a year, and now they get to see her almost daily.  I think about how my sister-in-love went through her entire pregnancy so far away from her mom and now she gets to spend at least the next few years living close to her mom as she raises her daughter.  When I think of them moving closer to her family, I can now smile.  Yes, I will cry when they leave, but I am now able to let go with a content and happy heart.   



My only regrets are not spending more time with them, and not allowing myself to truly love my sister-in-love with all my heart.  This is difficult as I am guarded with my heart.  I am also older than she is, and I think at times that has been a bit of a barrier between us.  It is too late to change the past, and I am not a person that believes in living in regret.  So, I will make the most of the next two weeks, spending as much quality time as possible with them and reliving memories made over the past 3 years.  I will tell them what they mean to me and how they have blessed me through the years.  And, when they are settled in their new home, I will keep in close contact.  I know this is not a permanent good-bye, and that the Lord could surprise me again one day.  Until then, I trust Him to take care of my brother, sister-in-love and sweet niece, and … I will let go….

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Reflections

Once again I want to spend a few minutes celebrating and praising the Lord for the blessings He has given me this past week.  He never ceases to amaze me!


  • Monday night our washer flat out died on us.  CPR was not going to bring her back.  So, off to buy a new one.  PTL the one we picked out was on sale and we were not charged for hauling away the old one, or for delivery! 

  • My mother not only offered to let us use her washer and dryer until our new washer was delivered, she actually did my laundry while my husband and I were at work!!!!  I cannot begin to tell you what a relief that was!  Especially since we had so many clothes left to wash from camping.

  • I received word that my brother lost his job, news he had been expecting.  Not only that, but he and my sister-in-love and precious niece are moving to Texas to be close to her family.  How is this a blessing?  While asking God to give them wisdom in their decision and guide them as the move forward, I heard the Lord tell me that He has this entire situation under control.  Even if I disagree with some of the decisions they are making, it is not my business and I have to trust the Lord and know that He has this in His hands.  I am now excited about the future the Lord has in store for them, knowing that this is just a new chapter in their lives.  Even though I don’t like the fact that this chapter is not going to be as close to me as I would prefer, I am learning that letting go is good for all parties involved.

  • The Lord gave me supernatural strength this week to accomplish the many tasks I had on my “to do” list. 

  • I broke down and bought a new swim suit for summer.  This is a big deal because it was a size larger.  Having lost 85 pounds and 6 dress sizes, it killed my soul to come face to face with the fact that I have gained 20 pounds back , as well as a dress size.  As I got home and deal with the bitterness inside, God reminded me that I am more than a dress size!  I am HIS dwelling place.  And, according to Psalm 84:1, His dwelling place is lovely!  Even when I don’t “feel” lovely, I am. 

  • I concluded the Insecurity study with my Wednesday night study group.  We feasted on salad, bacon lasagna and garlic bread.  We celebrated the victories the Lord had given us during this study and discussed the future plans the Lord has in store for us.  I have been so blessed by these ladies, more than they know!

  • My husband went out on a limb and purchased new sheets and pillows for our bed.  Now, as most women are, I am super picky about this sort of thing.  To my surprise (simply because this is WAY out of character for him), the sheets match the bedroom perfectly, and the new pillows are amazing!  He did such a great job!  I am so grateful!

  • This weekend we went camping with my parents, brother and his family.  This was by far the best camping trip we have taken as a family.  Everyone was laid back and relaxed.  I kept reminding myself that this would be the last time we would all camp at Barren together, so I needed to soak in every second.  God allowed me to do just that!  (I feel a new post coming!)

  • I was blessed to listen to my husband ask my dad to teach him how to bass fish and offer to spend more time with him, particularly fishing.  Now, if you know my husband, you know this is WAY out of character for him!  The fishing part, not hanging with my dad.  The conversation was an answer to prayer!

  • I was able to spend some down time with Rich camping and again when we came home.  It is so nice just to hang out with my soul mate.  He is such an awesome man and a blessing to me.
I have to tell you that reflecting every week like this has really made my heart soar.  I am learning to be more and more grateful for the big and small things in my life.  I pray that you are challenged to reflect on what the Lord has done for you this week. 

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Delayed Reflections from a Grateful Heart...

Whew… where do I start?  This will be my third attempt to write my Sunday Shabbat blog.  I actually wrote it Sunday night, only to have my computer crash right before I hit the save button.  I was not amused and decided it would be best if I just went to bed, which I did.  Last night I had decided I would sit down and re-write my blog before bed, but my evening went from a trip to the grocery, dinner, baths, bedtime, work out and writing to a trip to the grocery, cooking dinner and helping my husband fix the washer at the same time, cleaning up the oil spill inside the washer, getting the girls in bed, finding a new washer, buying a new washer, sorting laundry to take to my mother’s to finish (THANK YOU MOM), and crashing in bed.  Needless to say, I am a tad bit worn out, but excited to reflect again on the Lord’s blessing and provisions last week!  Let me just say… GOD IS GOOD!!!!

* I had a bittersweet Sunday School class as my teacher and friend taught his last lesson to the class.  I have learned so much under him and his wife.  I hate to see them leave the class, but I am excited to see God bless them in the new season in their lives.  God has big things in store for them, and I believe things are already falling in place.

* After church I was able to celebrate with my dearest friend the fact that her 8 year old daughter wants to do a mother/daughter bible study on the book of Esther!  Her daughter is so intent on this study that she already invited some of her friends, and made a flyer to give out!!!!  I feel deep in my heart that there is a special anointing on that girl!  I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to do through her!!!!

* I was blessed to be able to rejoice with a friend over her 40 pound weight loss, as well as her new dress size.  She looks and feels fabulous!  I am incredibly proud of her!

* I was given the gift of paid admission to the dotMOM conference in Birmingham, Alabama this September.  The story behind this is amazing, so I want to share.  A friend of mine went to the Deeper Still conference with me last weekend.  During Deeper Still we learned about the dotMOM conference in September.  I desperately wanted to go, but knowing that my husband and I are on a budget with a goal, I decided not to think about going becuase I knew this trip would throw us off budget.  So, I told my husband I would pray about it and if I am supposed to go, God would provide.  Now, no one knew about this conversation between my husband and I.  Monday morning, my friend met me in my office with her mischievous grin and told me that God had woken her up early that morning and put it on her heart that I needed to go to the conference.  She discussed it with her husband and he told her to buy my ticket.  PTL!  You can imagine the tears… well, you can if you are as emotional as I am!  All glory to God, my provider!!!!!

* Not only did my friend bless me with paid admission to dotMOM, she also confirmed something the Lord has spoken to me in my prayer time that morning.  The words she spoke to me were almost verbatim what the Lord had told me that morning.  Just the confirmation I needed.  I am so grateful for a dear friend that is still before the Lord, hears His voice and is obedient!  I pray she will be blessed for her obedience!

* We received word from my youngest daughter’s general surgeon that she is healing amazingly from her surgery in May!  He wants to do a follow-up in 6 months, but other than that she is doing fantastic!  Now all we need is for the neurosurgeon to give us the same "all clear" and we are free. 

* I was blessed to spend some sweet fellowship with two ladies in our Wednesday night study on Beth Moore’s So Long Insecurity.  I have learned more in the discussions than I have in portions of the book.  I love hearing the wisdom of the older women and the new zeal from the younger.

* I was able to celebrate that fact that the Lord has a huge grasp on my cousin’s heart and He is getting ready to do amazing things in her life!  Praying for her wisdom and ability to stay focused.

* I was able to celebrate with a dear friend confirmation from our Women’s Ministry Leader about a Girls’ Ministry the Lord has put on her heart.  Can’t wait to see how the Lord will lead and bless that ministry!

* I had a heart felt conversation with my Weight Watchers leader about my health and need to cut back on processed foods.  I know I need to do this, but now I have better motivation!  I am blessed that my leader cares and that she took the time to figure out what she thinks is going on with me.

* Our family spent the weekend camping with some good friends and their two daughters.  In spite of the numerous storms and need to make 8 people fit in a pop-up camper that sleeps 6, we had an amazing time!  I actually laughed so hard my side hurt, which is something I have not experienced in a while.

* I was able to talk to my dad and father-in-law on Father’s Day, wishing them a happy day.  Celebrations are set for later this week and I cannot wait!!!! 

* The girls and I were able to clean up the pop-up and take care of unpacking from the camping trip while my husband nursed an excruciating tension migraine.  I felt so bad for him.  When he woke later in the day, feeling human again, the girls and I took him out to dinner to celebrate him.  He is such a blessing!  He is truly an amazing man.  He had to make some tough decisions lately, sacrificing a passion of his in order to make sure he was giving enough to his family.  This means more to me that I could ever put in words.  I fell in love with him even more the day he made that decision.  Thank you, Lord, for the love of my life! 

It was a very good week.  I deserve nothing, yet He continues to give.  I am so grateful for the love of my Savior and the many blessing He gives me! 

Please, share some of the ways the Lord has blessed you in the past week.  I would love to hear them and celebrate with you!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.  Ephesians 3:14-19



God has brought this verse to me several times over the past few weeks, and I have shared it with you before.  I have really been struggling with being able to comprehend just how much I am loved by my Heavenly Father.  I know the passages, I know the songs, I know in my head that He loves me.  However, there is a disconnect between my heart and my head that has severely impaired my ability to accept this love.  I know that I am not alone.  I find comfort in this, but at the same time, am saddened by it.  Sad because there are so many women out there that long to be loved and cherished.  They just need to know and feel that they are special and important to someone, that they are loved with an everlasting love. Because of this, my heart echoes Paul’s prayer.



This past weekend at Deeper Still the Lord address my doubts and fears.  He spoke loud and clear to my heart.  As I sat and listened to Kay Arthur talk about how much God loves me, every question, doubt and fear floated to the surface.  I am unworthy of God’s love.  I have not done enough to earn God’s love.  I keep messing things up and getting in the way of what God wants to do in my life.  How could anyone love me “that much”?  As I thought about each of my hang-ups the Holy Spirit showed me that they are just that, MY hang-ups! I get so caught up in how poorly I am doing that my pity party drowns out the voice of God trying to speak to my heart.  Ever been there? 



I am not sure if God just got tired of my hard head and decided to speak a bit louder, or if he was tired of competing with my pity parties, but Friday night, for the first time ever, my head and my heart finally connected.  I will never fully understand God’s love for me, but I was able to accept it, to cherish it, to stand with my arms wide open and feel the Lord lavish me in His love.  I now know without a shadow of a doubt that regardless of anything I say or do, God’s love for me is constant, steady, firm, unwavering, unconditional, everlasting.  It gives peace, hope, joy and contentment.  My heart is so full I feel as though it may burst… my cup runneth over!  And as it runs over, my prayer is that you will get at least a little splash!



I want more than anything for you to know how much you are loved.  No matter what you have done in your past, where you are now, what you think of yourself, or where society has placed you, YOU ARE LOVED.  And this love is more than mere human love.  This love is divine and unconditional.  This love caused God to sacrifice the life of His one and only Son simply because He wants to spend eternity with you.  Let that soak in for just a moment….



God created our hearts with a spiritual void, an empty space that can only be filled with His love.  We can try to fill it with many things of this world, but all of those things will wither away, leaving our hearts empty once again, desperate for love.  We find ourselves back at the start, looking for anything to fill that void again.  This is a vicious and destructive cycle that must be stopped.  But, until we are willing to accept the one thing that we need and stop looking to this world to fill our spiritual void, the cycle will never stop.  This is where Christ steps in.  Paul tells us in Romans that while we were still sinners, enemies of God, looking for something to fill that void in our hearts, Christ gave the ultimate sacrifice to show us just how much we are loved.  Christ gave his very life, his last breath, to bring us back to God and give us the hope of living with him eternally.  This is the only love that will ever fill that void.  And until we are able to fully accept this love, we will never have the peace the Lord intends for us to have.



The amazing thing about God’s grace is that He gives us what we don’t deserve, His love.  None of us deserve this gift.  If we did, then the Christ’s sacrifice would be pointless and Christ’s death meaningless.  Each of us must come to the place in our lives where we stand face to face with Jesus and decide whether or not we are going to accept his grace, his love.  This is the most important decision we will ever make.  I pray, the same as Paul, that you will be filled with strength and wisdom and be able to comprehend this love.  Even more than that, I pray that you are able to accept His love.  Allow God to lavish you in His love, filling you to overflowing.



I don’t know where you are in life right now.  I don’t know your struggles or victories, your heartache or joy, your pain or delight.  I don’t know if you are  standing on His promises, or if you are face down in the valley of despair.  I do know this, no matter where you are, HE IS THERE WITH YOU!  He knows exactly where you are, what you are going through, and what He has planned for your future.  And let me reassure you, what He has planned for your future is far better than anything you can think or imagine!