Motivation

            This question has been rolling around in my head all week.  It hits me the second I wake up, makes my mind wander during the day, and ligers as I drift off to sleep.  It will not leave me be, at least not until I answer it.  Funny thing though, I was sure I had already answered this question.  I felt quite positive that I had looked it square in the eye some time ago and set the record straight.  Apparently I was mistaken, as this question is back, demanding an answer.  So, what is the question?  It is very simple, really.  Short, sweet and to the point. 

WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATION?

            There it is.  If only the answer were as easy.  My heart cries out that I want everything I do to be for God’s glory.  I long to see Him high and lifted up in my life, visible to all around me.  At the same time I can pretend there is nothing in my flesh that cries out for the least bit of acknowledgement, an accolade, or gentle “at-a-girl” nudge on the shoulder. 

            But there must be a time when the two engage in all out war.  The gloves come off, the fists fly and only one can be left standing in the end.  So, which will win?  Will my flesh take over, or will my heart declare victory loud and strong?  If I had been keeping score over the years, I would have to say that more often than I want to admit my flesh won.  Granted, my motivation may have started out pure and honorable, but as time progressed more questions were asked and the task came to completion, my flesh cried out much louder than my heart.  It saddens to me to acknowledge this.  However, it is true and must be dealt with on a continual basis.

            More recently I had to make a decision that not only impacted me, but would eventually impact my entire family.  I prayed about it, had dear friends praying with me, fasted, sought godly counsel, and meditated over scripture.  Feeling very confident in my answer, I spent time asking God to show me how to accomplish the task He had placed before me.  However, before He would not allow me to move forward, He had more questions to ask me.  Not surprisingly, each question became more difficult to answer.

            Finally, we came to the end of the question and answer session, or so I thought.  God had given me a clear vision of what He expected of me as His child, a wife, a mother, and in His kingdom work.  Feeling confident of this, He reminded me that nearly a year ago He had already provided me with His vision and expectations of my life.  He then asked why I could not simply take Him at His word and trust in His answers. 

            As I wrestled with myself over this, pinpointing my doubt and fears, I was reminded that my hesitation was disobedience.  When the Lord calls you to do something, gives you a vision and a plan, and you continue to ask questions rather than press on, you are being disobedient.  Now, I am not saying a little clarification is a bad thing, because often times we need that.  I am saying that not moving when we are called to move, hesitating out of fear, and continually asking the same questions for which you have already received an answer is disobedience.

            I think of how the disciples were called to follow Christ.  Many of them were fishermen and literally dropped their nets when they were called.  I think of how Daniel did not spend time asking God if he should eat the king’s food, he knew what God expected of him and he was obedient.  And, what about Nicodemus?  When Christ called him down out of the tree, did Nicodemus sit up on the branch asking questions?  No, he came down and they proceeded to his house for dinner.  

            So, what does any of this have to do with motivation?  It is simple, really.  The more we ask God questions, delaying our obedience and allowing satan to step in and distract us, our motivation is less about God’s glory and more about how we will be impacted if we are obedient.  In other words, the longer we mull something over in our mind, the more time we have to come up with random scenarios that will never come in to play.  We begin to think about others around us, becoming more concerned with what they think and if they will be supportive.  We begin to hash out all of the details and create and plan of action.  The problem here is that we are cutting God out of the picture!  Our motivation shifts from God’s glory to what will be easiest for us.  Instead of asking God how He wants to use us, we begin to tell God how we think we can fit Him in to our big picture. 

            The really scary thing about this, though, is that we don’t realize we are doing it.  We believe that we are truly seeking God’s wisdom and face and fail to acknowledge the answers that He has already given us.  I think of David and how he asked God to search His heart and check his motivation.  I believe that while we are seeking God’s will for our lives, or answering the questions He has placed before us, we need to make sure that we are doing a constant motivation check.  We have to make sure that we ask the Lord to reveal our true motivations, no matter how painful it may be.

            So, what about you?  What is your motivation?  Are you seeking the Lord for direction in your life?  Has he already given you the answer?  Are you accepting that answer and moving forward, or are you spinning your wheels asking rhetorical questions that have already been answered?  Is your heart still intent to serve the Lord and bring Him glory, or are you more concerned about how His calling will change the way others see you?