Wow...

In recent days I have felt my heart break during conversations with dear people in my life.  The words spoken were not filtered before they were audible.  They were pure, raw, emotion.  They are words that I have spoken before.  Words that reflected what was deep in my heart.

Why on earth would she...

I would not want someone that looks like that teaching my child…

Why would a mom do…

What was he thinking when he…

They really need to think before they…

I am not sure if my heart broke because I saw myself in the people saying these things, of if it was because I saw a side of these dear people that I did not like. 

We all are guilty of passing judgment on people, even if we do not verbalize our thoughts.  We look at people and situations and immediately determine a person’s motives, worth and status.  We seldom stop and think about what they are going through. 

Maybe…

… she is comfortable in who she is and confident enough to wear an outfit she loves.

… that person teaching your child is there because they love children and want to teach them not only academics, but also the value of not judging a book by its cover.

… that mom is trying her best to raise godly children in this crazy world, and what works for your child may not work for hers.

…  he was thinking about his wife who is sick with cancer.

… WE need to think before we …

I am so guilty of passing judgment on people.  I am truly ashamed to admit that.  But I am learning that the moments when I pass judgment on people are the moments when I elevate myself above them and expect them to rise to my lofty position.  God is opening my eyes wide to the ugliness of judgment and the necessity for love and compassion.  It is uncomfortable at times, but it is imperative if I am going to learn to see people the way Jesus sees them. 

My response to many of these comments this week… “Wow.”  No tone inflection.  No expression on my face.  Just… wow.  But now I regret not responding, where appropriate, with more.  With some sort of non-judgmental accountability statement that would draw their attention to what just came out of their mouths.  But “wow” is all I was able to utter.

On the way in to work this morning I was cut off by a man who was trying desperately to fit his tiny Focus between my Explorer and a TARC bus.  Had I not noticed and hit my breaks his little car would have been wedged between two vehicles in a busy intersection.  My first response was “Idiot!”  My second response after not receiving a thankful gesture was “Jerk!”  Immediately it felt as though my chest tightened and my eyes were opened.  These comments all came rushing back in my head.  I had just passed judgment, twice, on a complete stranger based on his actions.  I have no idea what was going on in his car, what had taken place that morning at home, if he was late to work or an important meeting.  I just now he made me angry. 

Then it hit me.  I don’t necessarily need to call people out when they judge others.  Maybe by living a life that loves more and judges less I will impact others around me.  If I live my life with my arms wide open I will give more hugs and help others see the good, or reality of lives, and use the filters God has given us before allowing all thoughts to verbalize. 

This is a start.  If we stop speaking judgmental words eventually our minds will stop being judgmental, and our hearts will be more loving.