Under Seige

I have spent years in a deep valley, under siege.  I was confused about everything in life and began questioning the very foundations of who I am and why I am even here on this earth.  While in this valley, I allowed Satan to creep in and feed me lies that I accepted as truth.  I was deceived, and, as a result, completely miserable.  The really sad thing though, is that I was “ok” with it.  Why?  Because I was more afraid of facing the truth that I knew I would face as I made my journey up the side of the mountain on my way out of the valley than I was living a lie.  As I questioned why God had chosen me, why He had called me out as His own, I began to listen and believe Satan as he told me that I am unworthy and that God’s patience for me had come to an end.  It seemed this black hole was growing bigger by the moment and I was being overtaken.  Then, one day as I attended my daily pity party, something snapped inside of me.  It was is if the little wimpy kid inside of me had suddenly had enough and fought back.  Envision the scene in “A Christmas Story” when Ralph had finally been pushed too far by Scott Farcus and snapped, attacking him and beating him up in the middle of a crowd of students.  Yes, I was tired of Satan pushing me around and controlling my life, so I fought back.

I had lived too may years under siege, right where Satan wanted me.  As long as I was buying in to the lies he was feeding me, I was not effective for the Lord.  He had me so busy and frazzled, doubting the things that had always given me security.  I am sure he was dancing at each of my pity parties, excited to see a child of God held in bondage to his lies.  I am also quite certain that his joy turned to anger as the Lord’s small still voice rang loud and clear in my ears, reminding me of the truth and debunking the lies that I had believed for so long.

Looking back over this experience has made me question why this happened to me.  I was close to the Lord, deeply in love with my Savior, in His Word daily, and walking intimately with Him.  How in the world did I go from this to being stuck so deep in the valley of depression and a slave to the lies I had previously refuted, but slowly began to believe?  It was as if I woke up one morning, a stranger in my own body, wondering how in the world I had gotten to this miserable place in life.  Only now can I see that this was a long journey and not a weekend trip. 

Satan, the father of lies, is so crafty and so deceitful that we must be on our guard at all times.  If not, we will fall just like I did.  Some falls will hurt much more than others, but regardless the distance of the drop, the pain is intense when we hit the bottom.  The beauty in this ugliness is that God is waiting for us.  Not like a judgmental father pointing his finger in our face tisking us for believing the lies.  Not even with a look of disappointment, though you know his heart is broken.  No, God is there with his arms wide open, ready to hold us and whisper the truth to our hearts.  He is ready to bring the healing and restoration that our souls so desperately need.  The problem comes when we decide not to run into His arms, but rather turn our backs on Him and choose to stand in the middle of our mess, our depression, our bondage.

The fear that makes us turn our backs to our Father’s outstretched arms is rooted in nothing but lies from the one that got us in that mess to begin with.  The only power Satan has over us is the power we give him.  If you are in the middle of a valley, fearful of facing the Lord because He may judge you or be disappointed, STOP LISTENING TO SATAN’S LIES!  He doesn’t want you to leave the valley, he wants to keep you right where you are, miserable.  Why?  Because he knows what God has in store for you.  He knows that the second you run back in the arms of your heavenly Father that he will be defeated, once again.  So, why continue to listen to him?  Why continue living in misery when you have the Father standing, waiting, with arms wide open.  Run to him, and don’t look back.