Letting Go

Letting go is never easy to do.  Especially when it comes to people you love.  I remember the week we took my younger brother away to college.  The drive from Kentucky to Florida in a small Class C RV seemed so incredibly long, yet not quite long enough.  I soaked up every second of the drive down, praying the whole time.  I knew in my heart life would never be the same for us.  Man I was right!

My brother and I have always been incredibly close.  Even though he is 6 years younger than me, and annoyed the fire out of me when I was a teenager, we always managed to stay close.  Through boyfriends and girlfriends, weddings and babies, we have always been there for each other.  God has given us a bond that I know will never be broken.  We may annoy each other or disagree with how the other deals with a certain situation, but the that does not change how we feel about each other.  I can look him in the eye and tell him I think he is an idiot, but love him anyway, and he knows that I mean both statements with all my heart.  I can say the same for him.

When he moved away to college I just knew in my heart that we would never live in the same state again.  This was very difficult on me, as well as my parents.   Then, approximately four years ago, I was blessed to have my brother and sister-in-love move from Florida to Kentucky.  I could not have been more surprised or excited.  During the past 4 years I have been blessed to experience numerous camping trips, cook outs, family reunions, four wheeling adventures in the “real mountains”, ventures in jewelry making, plotting family vacations, the pregnancy and birth of my youngest niece, discussions about parenthood, and life in general.  Yes, I can say without a doubt that I have been blessed!

Now the time has come for me to let go, again.  My heart aches every time I think about our last good-byes, the vision of them driving away, not seeing my niece grow up,  my girls not being able to play with their cousin, my parents not seeing their youngest granddaughter almost daily as they have for the past 3 years, my dad watching his best friend move away and my mom worrying about how well they will do in Texas.  After a few of these pity parties God really spoke to my heart.  He reminded me how blessed I have been to be a part of their lives for this long, and that now He is moving them to Texas so that my sister-in-love’s family can enjoy those same blessings.  I now imagine the look on her parents’ faces and the joy in their hearts as they have their baby girl, son-in-law and only granddaughter home.  I think about how they have had to go through the first three years of their granddaughter’s life with only one or two visits a year, and now they get to see her almost daily.  I think about how my sister-in-love went through her entire pregnancy so far away from her mom and now she gets to spend at least the next few years living close to her mom as she raises her daughter.  When I think of them moving closer to her family, I can now smile.  Yes, I will cry when they leave, but I am now able to let go with a content and happy heart.   

My only regrets are not spending more time with them, and not allowing myself to truly love my sister-in-love with all my heart.  This is difficult as I am guarded with my heart.  I am also older than she is, and I think at times that has been a bit of a barrier between us.  It is too late to change the past, and I am not a person that believes in living in regret.  So, I will make the most of the next two weeks, spending as much quality time as possible with them and reliving memories made over the past 3 years.  I will tell them what they mean to me and how they have blessed me through the years.  And, when they are settled in their new home, I will keep in close contact.  I know this is not a permanent good-bye, and that the Lord could surprise me again one day.  Until then, I trust Him to take care of my brother, sister-in-love and sweet niece, and … I will let go….