I will never fully understand why I get so surprised when the Lord answers my prayers. Not sure if my surprise comes out of disbelief that he cares enough to answer me, or disbelief that I was able to come up with a question worthy of answering. I pray that one day I will not be quite so surprised when He answers, but will soak in what He reveals to me and enjoy the moment.
This morning my journal entry was written as a result of my surprise at His loving response to a struggling heart. Though I hate to admit it, I am a woman filled with insecurities. Like most other women I know, I try to deny those insecurities and hopefully hide them so deep that no one around me sees them. I am beginning to realize two things. 1) I do not hide them as well as I would like, and 2) I am tired of trying to hide them. I want to learn to live a life that reflects the strength and dignity that I have been given in Christ. So, that was the beginning of my prayer. I stopped and read Psalm 3. After reading it one time through, I went back to take it verse by verse and pray through it. As I read verse 3, I began to cry. There it was! The words I so desperately needed to hear! “But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head”.
Immediately God planted a vision in my mind. I could see a broken hearted little girl with tears streaming down her cheeks. Her father kneels before her, gently places his hand under her chin and lifts her head up, just enough to be able to look into her eyes. He smiles at her, his heart aching for her to know how much she is loved, how beautiful she is. His deepest desire is for her to be able to see herself the way he does.
Could it really be that simple? Our Heavenly Father kneeling before us, gently lifting our heads so we can see deep into His eyes? Eyes that reveal a heart full of love and compassion for His children. Eyes that plead with us to stop being so critical and take a moment to see ourselves the way He does. Yes, I believe it really is this simple, yet in our flesh we tend to complicate such a simple and passionate love.
Like many of you, I can quote scripture that tells us exactly how much we are loved and what the Lord has in store for us. I believe these passages wholeheartedly, yet have such a hard time accepting them. I want to, but I feel so unworthy, which leaves me vulnerable and allows my insecurity to creep in and put a brick wall between myself and the love that I so desperately need. Of course, this leads to anger, which leads to other insecurities… and the cycle begins. UGH!
As I learn to trust and accept more, and embrace this love, my prayer is that I will pick up some passengers along the way! I know from simple and heart felt conversations that I am not the only one in this place. Nor am I the only one tired of being in this place! It is time for a change, and the only one I know that can cause real, lasting change is my Heavenly Father. With that in mind, I leave you with Paul’s prayer to the church in Ephesus
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:14-19.
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